How I've been forever changed...

Sometimes there are moments in your life where you suddenly realize you are different than you used to be. That something has happened and it isn't possible to be the way you were before - the same way it's impossible to "un-know" something you've learned. It reminds me of that song from Wicked: Changed for Good... but anyway, the purpose of this post is to explain how being a missionary with FOCUS for the last 3 years was just that -- one of those things that changed me "for good".

I started to realize this when I decided to leave FOCUS and the questions started coming. 

"What are you going to do now?" 

"What are you going to miss the most?"

"What are you most excited for about leaving?"

To begin with the first question, there is a little background information you need to know. Three and a half years ago, I was a senior in college. I was in the middle of my senior design for chemical engineering. I had met a FOCUS missionary and was growing in my newly rekindled faith - now actually leading a Bible study of my own! I finally understood what it meant to make my relationship with Jesus a priority and to live an ordered life. Sometimes while my classmates were pulling an all-nighter to study for a test the next day, I would take a break and go to daily Mass or pray a holy hour and have dinner with my roommates - AND, gasp, even sometimes go to bed before midnight. It may not seem crazy now, but in the midst of the senior design and amid the remarks of my classmates, it took a lot to stand my ground. 

This is when I began "job hunting". This is also when I learned the difference between the world's version of success and God's - what it means to be called to something that doesn't look like it makes any sense from the outside. I was met with a lot of skepticism when I applied for FOCUS - and most of it was very logical. Wouldn't it be hard to take 3 years "off" after school before entering a career in my field? How would I find a job afterward without any experience?  Was I really going to give up a starting salary of about $65,000 to fundraise? God wants holy people in the real world, too. et cetera. 

But ultimately the road to Heaven is one of self-forgetfulness and humility. It didn't matter what I wanted, what I felt was safe, or even what I felt was radical or would get me to Heaven. It mattered that, for whatever reason, God was specifically asking ME to be a MISSIONARY. I had to learn to have faith in His plan for making me a saint - even if I had no way to explain it to people. (or to myself)

So, what am I going to do now? Most people expect that I'll look for a job in the ChE field. Surprisingly, I feel more prepared now for a secular career after being in FOCUS. I've had experience working on a team, coordinating projects, making decisions and living with the consequences, doing paperwork and documentation, and creatively making the most of the resources you have. I've had experience leading a team, running meetings, making goals, making a budget, delegating, resolving conflict, putting on workshops, interviewing and hiring people, evaluating people, working with people! I received more professional development than I ever had in school (and from people like Joe Hensler, who worked at Procter and Gamble for 19 years - he actually led their Global Learning and Development Group and led the development of P&G’s training program to support the company's $54 billion merger with the Gillette Company.) I have failed, I have been rejected, and I've experienced the reward of achieving your goals when it was a huge risk to try - all within an organization that gave me the support I needed to learn how to have confidence and humility in it all.

I have no doubt I could market these skills in the engineering world, (It's also very impressive to employers when they see you did missionary work.) BUT I've decided to be a wife and (eventually/hopefully) mother. As it turns out, this is just as foreign and difficult to explain to people as becoming a missionary was - that is a thought for another post, though.

What am I going to miss most? ALL the things. I'm going to miss my teammates. We worked, lived, and played together. We struggled together and called each other to virtue. We shared our prayer lives and prayed with and for each other. I'm going to miss the students. I was blessed to work with a lot of the same girls for three years. We know a lot about each other and have gone through a lot together. We are friends. I am going to miss having prayer and Mass scheduled into my day. I am going to miss the learning and the accountability that are built into my job and friendships. I'm going to miss writing newsletters to my mission partners.

What am I most excited for? This is how I know I've been forever changed. The thing I'm most excited for is to keep living lifelong Catholic mission even when it's no longer my job. I'm excited to put into practice what I've been teaching others to go out into the world and do - without the comfort of my FOCUS bubble. 

After 3 years of being "on mission", I realize the mission is actually still just beginning. It was a time of learning, a time of practice, a time of being supported and forming habits. You see - I think before FOCUS I would have been a good Catholic, but I wouldn't have been a "dynamic Catholic", to steal the term from Matthew Kelly. I would have been a disciple, but not necessarily made disciples of all nations. 

Now, I see everything through the perspective of becoming a saint. I can no longer imagine going a day without prayer. I am no longer afraid of being asked questions about my faith, but excited to share. I am no longer afraid of being rejected or misunderstood because of what I believe, but have courage to face it or explain it. I know the generosity of love costs something and I have been given the grace to pay that price. I have witnessed miracles and had a front row seat to God working in people's hearts. I am no longer satisfied with mediocrity. I know it's my responsibility to seek truth. I know the difference I can and am called to make in the lives of those God places in my sphere of influence. I know the gratitude of those affected when I actually listen for and act upon the voice of the Spirit. I know the love and mercy within the church - that which isn't always as obvious as it should be because of our fallen humanity. I know how to accept their pain and apologize to those who have been hurt or are still hurting because we, Christ's body, don't always act as He would have. 

I am forever changed because I am now aware of the thirsting of this world for love, for God - and I am now aware that I can give love, give Jesus, to the world. 

Dandelion Theology

It's that time of year - the time of year that soon-to-be graduating students start applying to be FOCUS missionaries. The first interview weekend for our region is in two weeks and we have 5 or 6 people from Greeley going!

This means that we missionaries are getting asked a lot of questions: What does it take to be a missionary? What is a dating fast? Is fundraising hard? What do you do all day? What is your favorite part of your job? Why did you become a missionary?

And I LOVE it! I love answering these questions and talking about what I do and the things I get to witness God doing in the lives around me. This is the most fun, rewarding, formative and scariest thing I've ever done!

Becoming Team Director this year has been a whole new adventure on top of that. This summer God tried to prepare me by telling me, "You've got what it takes, but it's going to take everything you've got." And He didn't lie. It's definitely been the hardest, most humbling and grace-filled time of my life. I have a sticky note on the mirror in my bedroom that gives me a peptalk every morning before I start my day. It says: "You do enough. You have enough. You are enough." There have been many mornings I've needed that reassurance from Jesus. There have been days where I've felt like giving up and walking away, but Jesus has turned to me and asked, "Quo Vadis?" There have also been days where I've experienced so much and been so amazed at the goodness of God that I can't imagine doing anything else with my life.

And this is why the last question our students have is the hardest to answer: Are you going to do it again next year?

I don't know.

Everyday I feel differently. Some days I want to, some days I don't. But I realize it's not really about what I want. It's about what God is calling me to. There are so many different options... I could be a missionary. I could stay here or I could go somewhere else. I could become a NaPro Practicioner. I could get my Masters in Theology at the Augustine Institute. I could move home. I could do foreign mission work - use my ChE degree and do water purification in third world countries. I could make beer. I could work in a bakery and teach aerobics classes after work. The list goes on...

I took this all to prayer today and the image that came to me was that I was a little girl in a dress that had somehow gotten lost in the woods. I was standing in the middle of a large clearing suddenly realizing that I had no idea how to get home. I was so overwhelmed and a little scared and told God I needed Him to send me a butterfly. I needed something to look at, to chase, to distract me from looking at all of the directions I could go, and instead lead me by staying close to and chasing Him.

He did not appear. No butterflies. He did, however, tell me (once again) to close my eyes. That seems to be our theme this year. He wants me to stop looking around at everything I think I want and everything I think He might be doing and showing me - and instead just close my eyes and trust Him. He then told me to rest. This has been a new, yet frequent, command to me. Rest. So I did. I closed my eyes and lay down in the clearing right where I was. I felt the grass holding me, the wind playing with my hair, the sun touching my cheek and smiling down at me... and I opened my eyes, and there it was: a dandelion.

A number of years ago I came to a retreat here in the Rockies. On this retreat Dr. Tim Gray taught me something that would come to redefine my spirituality: dandelion theology.

As children grow up, they like to give their parents gifts: pictures they color, crafts they make, bouquets of flowers from the garden. And parents RECEIVE them. Mothers are especially good at this - not only receiving them, but receiving them with delight, seeing the beauty in the gift even if she can't tell what the colored drawing is a picture of. Think of a child picking dandelions out of the lawn and bringing a handful of them to mom... She sees them and is delighted and grateful. She says things like, "Thank you! They're beautiful!" and puts them in a glass of water in the middle of the table to show them off.

Dr. Gray said that often times we feel like a child offering our best to God and Him receiving it well and loving us anyway. But he invited us to put ourselves in the role of mom. How do we respond to the bouquets of half decapitated weeds covered in gnats that Jesus brings us? How do we receive the things in our life that are God's will for us? Do we receive them with delight and gratitude even when it's hard to find the beauty in the gift? even when it's hard to understand what the picture of scribbles could possibly be (and how Jesus can tell me it's a picture of me and I'm happy when I can't see it at all)?

So here He was... offering me one more dandelion for my bouquet. One more time I can surrender and accept what it is He is giving me today (the desire to know what I'm going to do next year and the confusion that comes with it -- especially when His answer is, "Close your eyes, Rest, Trust Me."), even if I don't fully understand or see the beauty in it.

Life is Ordinary

As I opened up my blog to write to you tonight, I noticed the four discarded beginnings of posts I had tried to write since my last update. I smiled a little to myself... and then deleted them all, admitting that I still didn't want to finish any of them. They each felt superficial in their own way - all facts and no heart, dry prayer, routine days, nothing out of the ordinary.

But now, having returned to Colorado, I'm looking back on my summer and I realize that the one thing I will most take from it into this coming year as a missionary and team director is just that: the profound simplicity of it all - the life within the ordinary, the richness of friendship, the beauty of silence, and the fullness of grace that can be found within each seemingly insignificant moment.

During one of these ordinary days I did some reading, as was usual for this time of the afternoon, and stumbled upon this little gem from my current favorite book: "The temptation is to look beyond these things, precisely because they are so constant, so petty, so humdrum and routine, and to seek to discover instead some other and nobler 'will of God' in the abstract that better fits our notion of what his will should be." "The plain and simple truth is that his will is what he actually wills to send us each day, in the way of circumstances, places, people, and problems." "For it is not man or what he does that counts most in the plans of divine providence, but rather that a man accepts in confidence and fulfills to the best of his ability each day what God has chosen for him." [He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter J. Ciszek, S.J.]

As I was preparing to come onto campus I was beginning to get a bit overwhelmed with the new responsibility of being a TD. This was totally not of God; it was pressure I was putting on myself - trying to find that other and nobler idea of what it means to be a Team Director. In reality, being a good TD is going to be best lived out in the ordinary. In daily teaching and modeling for my team and students. In doing expense reports. In serving them by finding the answers to the questions they have. In giving them the encouragement and direction they need to be the missionaries they were created to be. In praying for and with them. In getting up every morning and going to bed exhausted every night. Being with them in the works, joys, sufferings (the ordinary things of life) provided for us today - in accepting them as from God, trusting Him, and being "another Christ" in each moment as it comes.

This gives me a new perspective to the work we do on campus in assisting students as they answer the universal call to holiness. Edith Stein put into words well what I mean when she said, "I ... thought that leading a religious life meant giving up all earthly things and having one's mind fixed on divine things only. Gradually, however, I learnt that other things are expected of us in this world... I even believe that the deeper someone is drawn to God, the more he has to 'get beyond himself' in this sense, that is, go into the world and carry divine life into it."

Most of us missionaries and the students we work with will live out our vocations in ordinary things - in making breakfast and doing laundry and helping with fundraisers and going to work and playing cribbage and swing dancing. This is our "world", full of ordinary things, and we are expected to bring divine life there by doing them with the Love and Joy and Hope of Jesus Christ. Just as he did for the first 30 years of his life on Earth.

Now I'm off to make the agenda for the next two days of team planning before the craziness of fall outreach really hits... and it seems much less overwhelming now that I realize how ordinary it is and much more exciting since I'm aware that it is God's will for me right now to do it :)

Home

I am home in Devils Lake, on North Dakota soil! So much has happened since I last posted and I've failed miserably in keeping you updated - I will try to redeem myself presently :)

1. The year ended well! We had our final "FOCUS Formal" for all of our student missionaries on the last Friday of class. It is one of my favorite events of the year because we get to honor our students. They are the reason we join focus, they are the people we get up for every day, they are the ones who do the mission with us - without them, I have no success as a missionary. But luckily for me I have them to do it with me and the faith and zeal they have for reaching their classmates inspires me and gives me hope!!

Here is a picture of the students I am blessed to work alongside all year!

And a last picture of our team all together!

 

And a picture of one of the Bible studies dressed up for the talent show - they did a synchronized swimming routine! It was soo fun to watch!

 

 

2. LDI: Leadership Development Initiative. This was a week long leadership training I was able to attend to prepare me to be a Team Director next year. It was awesome! We learned what it means to be a servant leader, to see the opportunity in every situation, and were taught some good people skills as well -- goals, praises, and redirects. It was fun to be with fellow missionaries in the Colorado mountains, too!

 

3. Driving... As you know, my right knee is out of commission -- so my sister flew down to Denver and drove me home :) She is so great! We made some jamming music, grabbed some snacks, and hit the road. Drove through rain and wind for two days straight all the way through Colorado, Wyoming, South and North Dakota!

 

4. PT - I've started my physical therapy! I think I can safely say this is some of the worst pain I've ever had in my entire life. But No Pain, No Gain! My knee has been straight for so long, the first thing we have to do is tear the scar tissue so we can stretch and strengthen my leg again. This morning we were able to get it to 89 degrees! It's still pretty weak, so I can't bend it well on my own... getting closer everyday, though!!

 

5. If you could all throw up a quick prayer that we get some sunshine, I know my farmer dad would really appreciate it! :)

Hope

I have gotten a lot of calls and messages from so many of my friends and family. It's been so wonderful to hear from all of you! I'm grateful for the thoughts and prayers and am sorry I'm not able to keep all of you better informed about my knee and how I'm holding up. I'd like to ask you not only for prayers for my surgery and recovery, but also for HOPE. I feel so loved by you, but it is still something I'm finding in short supply. And now I'll try to honestly share with you what's going on with my knee, but mostly how my heart is.

 

It's been three weeks since I broke my knee... I have an avulsion fracture where my ACL attaches to my tibia and damage to my meniscus. I may also have completely torn my ACL. My surgery is scheduled for Monday and they are going to do it by scope! I have had such joy and peace in the injury - I don't even understand it. It's been such a grace from God! I'm not sorrowful or resentful of the pain or the things I am unable to do. Jesus has been calling me to, and giving me the opportunity to, spend so much more time in prayer with Him lately. To embrace my weakness. To get in the wheelbarrow.

 

One of the graces He's given me is this little meditation during Holy Week: Jesus held the soldiers driving the nails through His hands in existence as they were crucifying Him. He held His own breaking body in existence as it was being broken. He is holding me and my knee in existence right now - and that existence is in its brokenness. If this is the reality Jesus is holding in existence to make me a saint, who am I to feel any way other than loving it and being grateful for it?! [ and for my UND friends, let's be honest... as an exhorter I'm not so secretly thriving on suffering. (: ]

 

Yet, as time continues to pass, Jesus is allowing me to see that my cross in this isn't the injury itself. My cross to bear is the frustration of waiting for so long to know anything (when my MRI would happen, if I needed surgery, what surgery they will have to do, when surgery would be, if I can still be in my friend's wedding in June, how I'm going to get to summer training, where I am going to be placed as a team director next year, etc...). My cross to bear is the lie that I am not enough - that I can't do my job well, that I am a burden on those in my life, that I can't do anything right, that I'm not important. My cross to bear is the loneliness I feel not getting to see more of the students, not being able to do the fun things everyone else is, not feeling wanted. My cross to bear is not knowing how to answer the questions and frustrations of those I love who want to know how I am doing and want things to go well. Combatting the despair I feel in these conversations by consoling rather than being consoled.

 

My cross to bear is this emptiness I feel. Even when I know in my heart it is a lie from the pit of hell. This is the dandelion bouquet the child Jesus is offering me.

 

Empty.

Such a simple word. Yet it so easily contains all of the powerfully dark emotions I'm experiencing. And the devil so easily succeeds in making it hard to see the purpose behind the emptiness, to have hope.

 

One of my new favorite songs has helped me unite myself to Mary in this.

 

It's helped me realize the beauty of woman flows from the empty womb... the potential it has to bring forth life. Purity of heart is only realized in emptying the heart of everything except God in order for it to be completely filled with Him. Trust in the will of the Lord only happens when we can empty our hands of our own will... to "let go" and wait with empty hands to receive the amazing life God wants to give us. The Lord is risen and the tomb is empty.

 

In her emptiness, Mary was able to bring forth the Son of God. In mine, I can hopefully receive the Spirit into the world.

 

Born in Me by Francesca Battistelli

 

I am not brave
I'll never be
The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy
I'm just a girl
Nothing more
But I am willing, I am Yours

Be born in me.

 

 

 

 I was also very inspired by these two beautiful women: Barbara Castro Garcia & Chiara Corbella. Last year, they both joyfully suffered and gave their lives for their children to be born.

Thought I'd share if you were at all interested.

 

pax

 

 

Humility

If any of you have ever prayed the Litany of Humility, you'll know what I mean when I say that praying for humility can be dangerous.

Last week was the feast of St. Joseph, husband of Mary. I was meditating on the humility it would take to be the head of the Holy Family... The imperfect father and imperfect husband to a sinless wife and a son who is God.

In his homily Pope Francis said,

"How does Joseph exercise his role as protector? Discreetly, humbly and silently, but with an unfailing presence and utter fidelity, even when he finds it hard to understand. ... In the Gospels, Saint Joseph appears as a strong and courageous man, a working man, yet in his heart we see great tenderness, which is not the virtue of the weak but rather a sign of strength of spirit and a capacity for concern, for compassion, for genuine openness to others, for love. We must not be afraid of goodness, of tenderness!"

So, guess who made the "mistake" of asking for St. Joseph's intercession while praying for humility?

This girl.

Guess who went skiing the next day and got an avulsion fracture in her right knee?

This girl.

ie I'm in a full leg brace/immobilizer and on crutches :)

ie I can't kneel. I can't do zumba or kickboxing or run. I can't do laundry on my own. I can't swing dance. I can't do my rugged maniac 5k. I can't carry anything that doesn't fit in my little backpack. I have trouble doing normal things like showering or getting into bed. I can't put my right shoe on by myself. etc...

I've already learned a lot, though. I've learned how to go up and down stairs on crutches. I've learned that laminate flooring gets slippery for crutches when it's wet. I've learned that I don't mind not doing any of those things previously mentioned as long as I have Jesus. I've learned that this is a good opportunity to suffer joyfully and be a witness to the joy that comes from Christ. I've learned that sometimes we don't get to choose when we will be weak and when we won't... and that we need to accept the generosity of others as much as we need to be generous. I've learned the true meaning of surrendering my will to that of the Father. I've learned that we don't always get to pick our way of holiness... God will decide what it will take to make us a saint. I've learned that I have some great friends and family who are much more selfless than I am and that Jesus will be enough for me if I let Him.

My Wheelbarrow

It's only in admitting how weak we are and embracing it that we can witness the true power of God. Without admitting our own shortcomings we cannot begin to understand the strength of God working in and through us. or even allow the strength of God to work in us.

Over Thanksgiving break I went to visit my relatives in California, and during Mass heard a homily that rocked me to the core. I don't remember it well enough to quote it, but I'll try to summarize.

There was once an acrobat named Blondin. He was born in France in 1824. He was very talented and at the age of 5 became known as the Boy Wonder. He grew and learned and eventually moved to the United States to work with a circus.

In 1859 he decided to walk across Niagara Falls on a tightrope. He became very famous for this and people began to flock to the site to watch him. He began by walking across, but soon increased the difficulty by running across. Next, he went blindfolded across. He crossed on 6 foot tall stilts and then on a bicycle. All of these he did for a constantly growing crowd of fans who loved him. 

Then, he brought out a wheelbarrow. He asked his adoring crowd, "Do you think I can do it?" And they all cheered and applauded - encouraging him on. He asked again, and their response grew louder. He asked once more, "Do you think I can do it?" The crowd was going wild in their affirmation that they indeed believed in him.

Then, his question became, "Do you want to join me?" The cheers started to die down in confusion. He rephrased his question and wondered who would like to get in the wheelbarrow and come with him across, since they all had no doubt he could do it. When noone spoke up, he continued saying that he wasn't going to cross with the wheelbarrow unless someone got in it. As they became aware that he was indeed going to wait, they all waited. Then, one by one they started to tire of waiting and left, until he was standing alone with his wheelbarrow.

They all believed he could do it, but wouldn't act on that belief. He wouldn't do it without them, and since not one would act on their belief in him, he was kept from doing the crazy act of wheeling someone across the rope. Yet they claimed they thought he could do it. But did they?

Do I?

I see this as a metaphor to getting to Heaven. I can't get there on my own - I can't actually walk on a rope across the Niagara Falls, but Jesus can. And He is offering me a way over. It's scary. It's risking something to get in the wheelbarrow; someone else has my life in their hands. Do I actually believe He can do it? And if I do, do I act on that belief and get in? Do I trust the cross of Christ? Do I trust Christ pushing my wheelbarrow? If not, he won't act without me...

But if I do, think of the experience He wants to give me! On my own, I would never see the falls from that perspective, feel the excitement as the water rushes past me, feel the spray upon my face, get to the other side! But with Him, I can. I can allow Him to bring me to Heaven, to experience the joy of that journey here on earth, to get to the other side of death with Him! I can allow the crowd around me the joy and excitement of watching Him push someone across the falls in His wheelbarrow.

Do I get in the wheelbarrow?

Bible Study and SNOW!!!!

One of my Bible studies has 6 senior girls this semester and meets Tuesday evening every week. We're going through the Gospel of Luke using the book Dawn of the Messiah by Dr. Sri from the Augustine Institute. Since it's on Tuesday, we had Bible study the night of Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday. To celebrate we went to a little bar downtown called The Jager. It was so much fun! We were the only people there so early and they have a fireplace surrounded by couches. We got a drink and talked about life and decided to have Bible study there every week since it was a fun, quiet atmosphere. It's kind of odd to think we have Bible study at the bar, but it's been really great!

We had a really good discussion last week about the roles of men and women. Since Joseph is so quiet in the writings of the Gospels, and during the finding in the temple it seemed like Mary was the "dominant" parent, they wondered about what it was like to be Joseph. To be the head of the family where you are the only imperfect one and are supposed to lead them. We talked about the humility and charity it would take to be Mary, the things we appreciate in men, and how we can allow them/encourage them to "be men".

This past weekend Kelley, Tommy and I went skiing at Copper Mountain!! We stayed with a friend of Kelley's and her family; Chris and Erika and their almost year and a half old daughter Elanor. We got snowed in there with the blizzard Sunday! We stayed and went sledding and painted wine glasses and hung out in Vail Village at the Yeti Grind coffee shop. It was so fun to play in the snow again! Unlike popular belief, not everywhere in Colorado is snowy mountains. Greeley (where I live) is flat and usually brown and smells like cows. If we get some snow, we get about half an inch and it is melted by the next day. We got about half a foot this weekend! and it hasn't melted yet! In the moutains where we were staying there were shoveled sidewalks with two feet of snow on each side - reminded me of home and made me so happy!

On another note: I applied to be a team director for next year and have my interview Friday morning. If you could offer up a prayer for me, I would appreciate it!!!!

TwentyThirteen

I can't believe it's nearing the end of February and this is my first post of the new year! I have a lot to catch you up on...

1. New year's resolutions. I've never really been a goal oriented person, so I've never really loved making a forced resolution. However, I do like the idea of idea of it and usually do it anyway :) This year I decided that I want to work on gratitude. Being grateful for the gift my life is and the will of the Lord in my life. Near the end of her life, St. Therese of Lisieux said, "I do not desire to die more than to live. It is what He does that I love." My resolution is to be more aware of what He is doing everyday and being grateful for it, whatever it is - since He is doing it, and is doing it to bring me to Heaven. I bought a small journal that I am writing in each night before bed. Each night I write one thing that day that I was grateful for.

2. We got a new teammate! Steph is from South Dakota and studied something I can't remember the name of, but it means event planning. She is also into art and music. She is discerning a vocation to the religious life after FOCUS. Super bubbly and joyful! Love her :)

3. SEEK2013! We spent six days in the Florida sun in January with 40 students. The 30 hour bus rides there and back were actually fun! We got a lot of bonding time and made new friends! We had some members of the Community of the Beatitudes come on our bus with us - including two priests! This means we were able to have Mass on the bus while going down the highway. SO LEGIT! There were over 6000 college students there wanting to grow in their relationship with Jesus. We heard talks from so many different theologians and lay Catholics living out their faith in the secular world... on all sorts of things - from prayer to relativism, pro-life to environmentalism, womanhood to discerning the will of God in your life. We had daily Mass and one night there was adoration, during which over 4000 people received the sacrament of reconciliation! wow. Grace everywhere. We had other fun, too! Between disneyworld, concerts, friends, watching the Bison football team win the championship, a 20s themed swing dance, and a great pool we found things to do :)

4. I bought a pass at the student rec center. As great as insanity is, sometimes I get bored with it. Not for lack of it being difficult, just repetitive. I've joined a Zumba and a kickboxing class!! I'm making some new friends, too! Yay for relational evangelization! I'm all signed up for the Rugged Maniac race on May 11th! Kelley is doing it with me :) She couldn't talk me into running a half marathon with her the week before, though. ugh.

5. For Valentine's Day we hosted a free swing dance at the university. L'Angelus, a Catholic Cajun band, played live music for us :) They are from Nashville and are the four oldest siblings in their family. They stayed at our house and we got to know them a little! So fun!!

6. Lent is here!! I've been super convicted this year about sacrifice. Two years ago my good friend at the Bad Catholic blog put it this way:

So, now comes the time when everyone tells you, “Lent isn’t just about giving things up, it’s about taking things on. Think about what you can do, not what you can remove from your life.” Which is all fine and dandy, to be sure, but also stupid. Mortification is important. Mortification is what’s necessary. I want a bumper sticker that says “Put the pain back in Lent!” or “Self-denial is the reason for the season!” Just because it would shake things up. The world can understand us ‘getting more into’ our religion – they may even encourage us, give us a cookie. But what stands in contradiction to the world – and especially to the American world – is the Christian not eating. The Christian not drinking, not because drinking is bad, but because it is good. The Christian in pain.

What will convince the world, and – infinitely more importantly – what will convince us of the validity of our faith and all the truth she professes is not comfort, not the statement that “this will make me happy”, but the witness of those being happy when they have nothing but their faith. The rich, old, country club preacher saying grace is not much to rally around. But what hope there is in finding out that there is tremendous grace after a day without eating! What affirmation it is to learn that no, we do not believe because we are comfortable, we believe because it is true! To have the grace to praise God in our suffering!

Amen. What a witness it is to the truth of our faith if we can rejoice in our suffering! How countercultural!

I've also been reading another book by Francine Rivers called A Voice in the Wind. It is about a woman who becomes a slave to a rich, selfish girl. She says something along the lines of "We were created to serve. We all serve something or someone, but we get to choose what or who that is." Do I serve Christ by serving the least of these? by serving His body here on Earth? Do I anticipate the needs of those God has placed in my life and show them mercy? Do I do it joyfully, as an unprofitable servant?

This is what I feel Jesus is trying to teach me this lenten season... that His heart is one of mercy and service and I was created to reveal His heart to the world.

Airport

Hello!!!

Just sitting here at the airport in Grand Forks. There are about 20 people at the gate and I'm sitting next to the window - staring out at the flat, white tundra. I already miss my kitty, the perpetual snow, and the bone-chilling cold. As strange as it sounds, the cold and the openness feel like home.

It was so good to see so many familiar faces at home, but there is no time to be sad -- In 40 hours I get on a bus from Greeley to ORLANDO!! I'm so excited for SEEK2013!!!!! Please throw up a prayer for all of the students coming. (and my team as this is a crazy time for us!)

Thanks! Can't wait to update you about the conference!!

Happy (almost) New Year!

Highlights of Home

I have been blessed to be back in North Dakota for a week and a half now.

It all started the evening of Friday the 14th. Kel and Tommy dropped me off at the airport. I walked in, checked a bag, and headed for security. No lines! The place was almost empty. Buzzed through security and got to my gate... Had an extra hour to read my book - Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, a story set in 1850 CA gold rush that is based on the biblical character of Hosea. I finished it about half way through the flight home and then turned my reading light off, lay my head back, and glanced out the window. In the dark night above all of the clouds I had a front row seat to the METEOR SHOWER going on!

I LOVE this state and it was so refreshing to be back!!! Here are a few things I didn't realize I missed until I got to re-experience them the past two weeks:

Inch thick frost on the trees (see pic below!)
Roads that are snowpacked
The "chance of snow" telling you how much snow we'll get instead of if we'll get any maybe
Snow in general
Food made with flour, eggs, and butter :)
Movies with my mama - Les Miserables was AWESOME.
Photobooth - with the number of people we had, we did it chinese firedrill style (pics below!)
Baking and shopping with my sister
Visiting Melissa Pung at the Bethlehem Community in Bathgate (pic below!)
Plays/Musicals at New Rockford
Late night Christmas Board Games
Early Morning Christmas card games (Hand and Foot, Nertz, Speed, Tripoly, etc)
The familiarity of a small town
Caroling at the nursing homes
Seeing my Newman people :)
Catching up with my friends from High School!!!!!
Seeing all my cousins - I didn't realize how much I missed all my friends and family - or how awesome they are :) I really, really love them all and don't appreciate them nearly enough.

All in all, it has been a joy and blessing to be back here! I'm almost rejuvinated and ready to head back to Colorado.

Bacon-wrapped water chestnuts!

The Melissa Anns!

Sleepy's House

I chose this name in honor of Kelley who calls bedtime "going to Sleepy's House".  Last Tuesday morning at 8:26 I followed her into her room and kicked off my slippers and lay down on the her bedroom floor as she crawled back into bed. We stayed like that in silent disbelief for a moment until I began laughing like a crazy person at the irony of the preceeding events.

Sunday - I'll begin here. It was the last day for students to sign up to go to our National Conference (SEEK) in Orlando in January. This is a place where students can meet thousands of other Catholic students from around the country and learn about why we believe what we do, and be built up in the faith - all of them will be given an opportunity to encounter the person of Jesus Christ and the hand of God in their life. This is the day that we had about 15 more students finally sign up to go! One of these is a new friend of mine who hasn't been baptized and could count on one hand the number of times she's been in a church. I'm soooo excited she's coming!

On Monday, to celebrate registration closing, we went to dinner in Denver at our regional director's home. They cooked for us, let us play with their little boy, invited us to pray with the family after dinner, and PLAY MAFIA! This is a card game simulating a town. The "mafia" kill people and the townspeople have to try to figure out who they are before they kill the whole town. Hm - writing it down like that makes it sound kind of cruel and not holy... I promise it is a fun, not-awful game. He talked us into staying late and gave us permission to take the next morning off. We played until midnight and finally were home in bed about 1:30am. We NEVER move prayer - usually at 9 - and this was a big deal. like really. It felt weird, but nice, to not set an alarm.

These past two days have been soooo good!

Tuesday morning. Not quite 8. and there is pounding on the door. I'm the only one who can here it since my room is closest. I roll over, still half asleep and it stops. Once again, pounding. At this point, I'm a little annoyed wondering who could be so desperate to get in the chapel so early that doesn't know the code to the door?? In my annoyance I firmly decide not to answer it. Pounding - for the third time. At this point I angrily jump out of bed to peer out my window and see who it is: a group of middleaged men I've never seen before. I throw on my robe and try to blink my contacts back to normal while I answer the door. SURPRISE! The roofers are here to do our roof. They need us to move all of our cars. I wake up my roommates and step into my slippers before heading out to put my car on the street. Then I realize we live on campus. 8 am class had started now. There is nowhere to park. I finally find a place a few blocks down and walk back down the busy street to my house in my pajamas. While I'm still a couple houses away, another group of guys that arrived later scrambled up onto the roof. One had the nerve to whistle at me! I would have liked to see his face when he realized it was MY roof he was on.

Then, 8:26... staring at the ceiling in Kelley's room... and the pounding on our roof began.

I'd like to inform you that Kelley and I haven't been sleeping well for the last couple months as it is. I think it's a mini attack from satan. When we don't sleep well we are tired and more crabby and have headaches and are less charitable with those around us and less able to focus on our mission.

ie This morning's surprise awakening and pounding became a moment of unleashing over a month of pent-up anger and lack of virtue. I was so mad.

All week, little things kept going wrong and making things worse and worse. It was like I was stuck in this anger and couldn't let it go. The girls in my bible study a week later were also stressed with final tests and projects. We decided to do something called deliverance prayer. This is a form of prayer that has five key points:
1. repentence
2. forgiveness
3. renouncing spirits by name
4. taking authority in the name of Jesus
5. receiving the Father's blessing

In our baptism, we receive the Holy Spirit and in the name of Jesus Christ, can name spirits influencing us and cast them away from us to bind themselves to the foot of the cross. I wouldn't recommend doing this on your own until you've done it with someone who knows what they are doing. We were taught this at training this summer and so I led the group in this type of prayer for bible study. Afterward, we all felt lighter and joyful and peaceful...

AND I was able to sleep well for the first time in a long while!! Yay!
(That's right - Behind me, satan!)

Not Your Typical Tuesday

Reason number one: Julie, one of the girls I disciple, came with me on campus for a form of "bare handed evangelization". We decided to get lunch and sit with someone who was sitting alone. We grabbed food at the UC (their student union of sorts) and headed to the dining area. There she was - the girl we were going to sit with - at the first table. Her name was Brittney. We got to know her a little and then one of her friends joined us, too. Meet Kayla. 

[Aside: Being a missionary, it's super easy to nonchalantly turn the conversation to Christ. All I have to do is ask what year they are or what they are studying and they turn it right back and ask me. I get to say something along the lines of, "Actually, I'm a missionary here!" Works every time. :)]

Brittney wasn't very interested in this piece of news, but Kayla was. She kept bringing the random conversation back to it by asking little questions. She was very interested in what I did and told me that she was Catholic and sometimes went to church at another parish in town. I invited them both to our ugly sweater/Christmas karaoke/gingerbread house making/white elephant party at the Catholic Campus Center on Thursday. Brittney works, but Kayla wants to come! She didn't want to show up alone, so we exchanged numbers and talked about meeting up sometime for coffee, too. Yay!

Reason numero dos: A girl randomly came up to me and a few students and asked if we were with BearCatholic. She said she wanted to get involved, but didn't know how. One of our students, Natalie, immediately started talking to her about our events and Bible studies and grabbed her contact info so they could stay in touch! The Holy Spirit truly is working in people all around us and they are searching for Him!

Reason three: No ballroom class. sad face.

This was the first Tuesday that I didn't spent two hours dancing! I don't know if I can explain how much I love this class or how much I've grown in my relationship with God through it. It's also been a great way for me to make contacts with students in the music/theater department. I need to be clear - I'm not actually IN the class. They were short 4 girls and two of my students are in the class, so they invited me! I showed up and the teacher was glad to have another girl and let me come every week even though I wasn't registered. That brings me to why I wasn't there this week. They have started testing. Two of the boys were injured over the course of the semester and dropped so they didn't need another girl for testing - especially since I didn't need to test for the class I wasn't actually in. ie the class is over for me.

I was sad to not be guaranteed two hours of dancing a week anymore, but also sad that I wasn't sure how I was going to keep in touch at all (and not be TOO creepy!) with the people I met in class.

But PRAISE JESUS! God is bigger than I. I ran into two of the students on campus - and they happened to be two that I had formed more of a relationship with. God grants us divine appointments when we ask for them. (and a lot of times even when we don't.)

Reason four: There was an exorcist in town. Yes, you read that right. Have you seen the movie The Rite? The priest whose life the book and movie were based on, Father Gary Thomas, came to our campus. We ended up getting a crowd of about 1500 people to come hear him talk about exorcism, satan, and Christ's victory over sin and death. He spend about half an hour speaking and then another two answering questions from the crowd.

I was excited that his talk was a similiar format to what we call a "Gospel presentation". Basically, when you are sharing the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with someone there are four main parts:
1. We are made for relationship - specifically relationship with God.
2. Because of sin, this relationship has been broken and the consequence of sin is death.
3. Christ came into the world and died once for all of us so that our relationship with the Father can be restored.
4. Do you want that relationship?

Fr. Thomas did just that - he shared the salvation found in Jesus and then offered all of those in attendance His gift of life through starting a relationship with Him.

Last, but not least... Reason 5: Some friends from out of town came for the talk and we were able to hang out with them afterward!

Now, after a typically long Wednesday, Guten Nacht! Buenas Noches!

Pirate Prayer and Giving Thanks

One of the things I'm doing with the girls I mentor is pray together. Every time we get together, we do something called Lectio Divina. This is latin for Divine Reading. Essentially, it's praying with scripture. We usually pray with the Gospel reading for daily Mass - since it's chosen specifically for that day by the church to speak to the people. I like to use lectio divina in a form I was taught called pirate prayer. :) It's called this because the acronym we use is ARRR. (Get it? ha.)

A. Acknowledge. First, we place ourselves in God's presence and acknowledge to ourselves the things distracting us, the emotions we're feeling, the things on our mind...
R. Relate. Second, we relate all of these things to God. We tell him honestly how we are... the state of our soul and heart, we can thank Him, praise Him, ask Him for help, tell Him our frustrations and joys.
R. Receive. Third, we allow Him to speak to us. This is where the scripture comes in - He speaks to us through His word. We read it and look for things that stick out to us. We take those parts and ask what God is trying to tell us through it.
R. Respond. Lastly, we apply what God spoke to us to our lives. How does it relate to what we told Him in step 2? What was revealed to us about ourselves? Do we need to change something in our lives? Do we need to just be aware/have a perspective change?

Today:
Acknowledging how I was I realized that these past couple of weeks I've struggled with the virtue of charity. I've struggled loving people in their weakness, where they're at, accepting them for who they are and the fact that I can't change them. I've struggled with being generous and patient. I gave this to God, let Him know who and what I was struggling with in particular and then went on:

Today's reading is Luke 17: 11-19

As Jesus continued his journey to Jerusalem,
he traveled through Samaria and Galilee.
As he was entering a village, ten lepers met him.
They stood at a distance from him and raised their voice, saying,
"Jesus, Master! Have pity on us!"
And when he saw them, he said,
"Go show yourselves to the priests."
As they were going they were cleansed.
And one of them, realizing he had been healed,
returned, glorifying God in a loud voice;
and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him.
He was a Samaritan.
Jesus said in reply,
"Ten were cleansed, were they not?
Where are the other nine?
Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?"
Then he said to him, "Stand up and go;
your faith has saved you."

The first thing that stuck out was, "As they were going they were cleansed." Then, "Where are the other nine?" As I was thinking about these I realized that I can really relate to these lepers. They came to Jesus, as they were and asked Him for help. They trusted Him by going to show themselves to the high priest even though He didn't heal them right away - they weren't healed until they took that initial leap of faith to follow His lead. Then the second part... Where are they? They are where He told them to go. They were still doing His will. They are getting their reward for trusting Him. They are rejoicing in being healed, going back into society, to worship at the temple, to their families whom they have been separated from, to their jobs... they are going back to their lives! What a gift from God. But that one leper, the one who thanks Jesus, trusts that this gift will still be there if he takes ten minutes to thank Jesus for it. He (the one who doesn't know God) understands that something incredible has happened to him when the other nine are used to hearing stories of God's power and witnessing it in their own lives. They've grown accustomed to it and expect it. Got me thinking, what is my reward? Do I expect or feel entitled to what God gives me for trusting Him? Do I love Him for being God and creating and loving me or for the things He gives me? Do I stop to thank God for the little things He gives me every day or take them for granted? This brought to mind a quote I saw somewhere and didn't think much of at the time:

What if we woke up tomorrow with only the things we thanked God for today?

When I get frustrated with my teammates or annoyed at a student or upset when things don't go the way I want do I still thank God for them? Given the option, I'd still rather wake up with them in my life tomorrow, so why am I not still thanking God for them? They are His gift to me today. Gratitude feeds charity. Thanks for the kick in perspective, God! Needed that one.

A little insight into my life with students, my prayer, and my heart today. Hope you enjoy :)

One Nation... under God

I'm sorry if you are extremely sick of election stuff... this is more about post election stuff. I promise to move on to other things after this, but as a missionary, the results of the election have been a major talking point in teaching students how to live a Catholic life.

My conversations have been a lot about why the church is against the legalization of marijuana in Colorado, why the HHS mandate is an attack on religious freedom, and some on the same-sex marriage issue.

There is one issue, though, that is starting to take over my current discussions:

Rendering unto Caesar.

["But it's OBAMA!?" Yes, I know... you can read my thoughts on that matter if you haven't already.]

Anyway... this is all coming up because of the astonishing piece of news that over 40 states have filed petitions to secede from the United States!

This is going to come out as an exhortation... forgive me in advance :)

This is OUR country! This is OUR government! We can't run. If we won't fight for America, who will? We need to fight for the goodness of our country and the principles it was founded on. We voted, as a country, and Obama was elected. We need to unite as a country - one country... if we are going to bring this whole country to the under God part. That means uniting behind Obama. Yes, certain things he stands for, we disagree with - I'm not saying we have to give in - just not give up! We need to fight for what we believe in and value. We need to fight him when he is unjust; we also need to work with him on the things he is willing to work with us on. Catholics were generally more democratic until the life issue came up - meaning the democratic party has a lot of good things that we as Catholics also need to be having a say in --- our Gospel is a Gospel of life AND social justice. We also care about the common good - which, luckily, (as long as we can't change Obama being in the white house) Obama is willing to work with us about. These areas are things we CAN make a difference in right now that DO need to be reformed.

"Be soldiers." These are the words of Pope Benedict. Soldiers don't leave the battle field. Soldiers don't watch from the sidelines. Soldiers stay and fight for what they believe in.

Yeah, 'Murica! :)

... and the Election (FOR SOULS!)

Obama.

I'm not upset Obama was re-elected.

I didn't vote for him. I don't agree with a lot of what he stands for.

I DO, however, know our God.

The biggest disappointment I had was watching all of the Christians on my facebook feed give in to despair. "Who wants to move with me to (insert country that isn't the USA)?!" "The mayans were right, the end of the world will be in Dec 2012!" "How stupid are people that we re-elected Obama?!" "There goes religious freedom and protecting life. out the window. done deal."

Come on! Y'all are the CHRISTIANS! We don't fear. We don't worry. We don't complain about what God gives us - good or bad, comfort or suffering. We trust. We love. We have HOPE. We take the situation we're given and make the most of it and have joy in Jesus Christ. We don't need to agree with them, but we need to show respect and honor to every child of God.

Anyway, not the point of this blog post.

The point is, I'm not surprised that God allowed Obama to have another 4 years with us. Look at what has happened in these last 4 years within the church! As a church, we've become more united, we've been forced to know what we believe and why, we've been standing up for the things we value, we've been obligated to explain our beliefs and share them with the world, we've been praying and fasting, we've been trusting in God...

We've been actually acting like Christians.

I think another blog I read this morning put it really well:

One “positive” thing you can say about Obama is that he’s done more to unite the Catholic Church in America than anyone in the past 50 years. He got every Catholic bishop to stand against him. He also did a lot to unite the Christian Church—remember Mike Huckabee saying, “Today, I’m Catholic!” Heck, he even got evangelical Christians to back a Mormon for president.

If we had woken up this morning with the headline, “Romney is the President,” we might have gone back to sleep feeling secure in one nation under God. We could be thankful that this HHS nonsense is over and we can go back to our lives. We could be hopeful that abortions would be reduced thanks to government intervention. That’s how I hoped to start the day.

But God does not want us asleep. He wants us awake. He wants us to do the same thing we’ve been doing: pray, work, and fast for our country.

If we thought we could wake up and feel safe about these issues because Romney got elected then we’d be as foolish as those on the other side of these issues who think Obama is the “savior.” We can’t depend on the government for our spiritual “welfare.” We’ve got to go out and proclaim God’s truth with our lips and share His love from our hearts.
 

God is bigger than an election - He is about winning hearts and saving souls. I'd like to take a moment to remind you that Obama isn't our enemy. Satan is our enemy. Satan wants souls. This war we're in is a war for souls. Satan wants Obama's soul. We are fighting to win souls that are victims of satan. Obama is a victim. He is one of the souls we are fighting FOR, not AGAINST.

If it takes Obama being in office to make Christians act like Christians, bring it on.

Reflection...

Yesterday, I took a day of reflection.

As a missionary, I am so blessed to be able to take a day once a month for reflection and recollection!! This means that I take a day off to spend all day in prayer (as in fasting and silence and hours of adoration) to reflect on my life and relationship with God.

In discipleship with my girls I ask them the same question every week: "How is your soul?" I love this question. It's the same as asking how someone is doing, but it brings their relationship with God into the conversation. We talk about their desires, their struggles, their values, the state of their soul and all of the things that affect it. This was essentially what I was asking myself and Jesus yesterday... How is my soul? How is my heart? How am I doing keeping God at the center of my life? Am I making this mission about HIM or about ME?

For those of you that have been reading my blog, I've been talking a lot about being busy and needing to reorder my life and priorities and being tired and how hard it's been to choose joy lately. You've also maybe noticed that I haven't updated in about 2 weeks. Two weeks ago, I got pretty sick. I was out of commission on and off for about a week. This is something that was extremely hard for me to deal with - I felt helpless. All I could do was lay in bed, sleep, drink some tea, sleep some more, answer a few emails, sleep some more... you get the idea. I couldn't do my bible studies, I couldn't get up for prayer in the morning, I couldn't meet wth my students for discipleship, I couldn't go out on campus and meet students... and all of this was made more frustrating because I was the one "in charge" for the week while our team director was in Rome. Power Hour didn't happen, women's night ended up just being a movie since I couldn't give the talk, etc... needless to say, I felt a little like a failure when Kelley came back and I had to recount all of this to her when she got back and asked how all of it went.

During prayer, I was praying with scripture and stopped to mull over for where your treasure is, there also your heart will be. What is my treasure? Is my treasure really God alone? Am I putting things above God in my heart? Not money, not worldly success, not what people think of me... Ah, yes. There was something. My idea of being "good", my plan for my holiness, reaching my expectations for myself. ME. I was putting more importance on what I needed to do to be a good daughter of God than the fact that I am a daughter of God.

So all this talk about busyness and such? Obviously I knew I needed to do something, but I hadn't. God kept tapping on my shoulder and showing me it wasn't good... and still I didn't. So what did He do? He slowed me down Himself. He let me get sick and stay in bed for most of a week. He allowed me the chance to be weak. He allowed me to see what was truly important. He allowed me the chance to not put me in the equation for what was done on campus that week. He allowed me to refocus on Him. He allowed me to trust Him and that He would be the salvation for the students at UNC. He gave me permission to have fun, to spread His truth in love and joy, to share His greatness through my own weakness.

God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise, and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong. - 1 Cor 1:27

God chose the foolish and the weak to be the ones He uses. If I want Him to use me, and make me perfectly into who He created me to be, I must allow that I am foolish and weak. AND I must give myself permission to be silly and weak in the eyes of the world (and myself!).

Thought to leave you with:

Let us think for a moment about the concept of vacation. We need to get away, relax, rest, enjoy life a little... so we go on vacation. Our lives have become so unlivable that we need to escape from them.

Living a life that takes time to enjoy spending time with our family instead of working long hours, tithing instead of giving ourselves a little more comfort, having true Christian values in America... looks foolish to our culture. We look weak. We look stupid. It looks inefficient and like we're not reaching our full potential or making as much money as we could. But I'll guarantee our lives are more livable. And that God blesses us with what we need.

Minnesota!

This weekend I visited Duluth, MN for the first time! You see, there is a certain someone there named Rosalin who I missed terribly and decided to go visit. She is my "focus bester" :) She would joke about how I called so many people my best friends, and so we decided to make up a new term that would only be ours.

It was a little bittersweet flying in since I wouldn't get to go home... but my parents were in Philly anyway, so I wouldn't get to see them if I did.

We had such a good time! We did a lot of the touristy things and just plain old enjoyed each other's company. We made Mass and holy hour a priority - was neat to see their chapel and Newman house so I know what the place she lives and works in is like! We ate at a little cafe. We went to Split Rock light house, unfortunately it was SUPER foggy and we couldn't really see over the water, but we DID get peanut butter cookies! We stopped and ate at Betty's Pies - a must if you're ever in the area! By the time we finished eating and got our pies, I felt like my french blueberry cream slice was about a quarter of the pie. I heard my grandma Lil's voice in my head saying, "It's just a jam pie!" :)

We took the scenic route along the lake back to Duluth. We went to the tower at the top of the hill in town where you could look down over Duluth and the lake. It was really pretty. We found this chicken on the way... I would've been disappointed in myself had I not taken a picture with it. I was raised in a family where you always take pictures with statues, especially of large animals, and you obviously have to try to act the statue out!

 

We stopped at the mall because my phone was acting funny and, since Rosalin was wanting her hair cut, decided to up and cut our hair! She cut over 6 inches off and I took a chance with straight bangs. We had late night perkins and fell asleep watching a movie!

 

Sunday, we got to spend some time with Father Mike Schmitz after Mass. It was so wonderful. He exudes Jesus all over the place. If there were one person who overflowed joy and love, it would be him. He took us out for lunch at Sir Benedict's Tavern where I enjoyed a delicious bacon and avocado sandwich and soup. We talked and joked until he had to go and then stopped for coffee on the way home. It gave me so much life to just spend time with him. I can see why Rosalin and he get along... I've decided they are perfect complements: quite different in personality, but very similiar in interests and sense of humor.

 

Rosalin and I took our coffee and headed out to walk along the Lake Walk. We noticed along the shore below there was a cave in the rock. Luckily for us, we were able to get down to the shore and get over to it - no easy feat in our church clothes!! It was slightly anticlimatic when we realized how small it was... I was secretly hoping, but strongly terrified, that there would be a wild animal inside. Not the case, just some sharpie writing on the walls. Rosalin had her pepper spray to ease my nervies, just in case.

 

We spent some time in good conversation with a couple of young adults in the community - so refreshing to be able to just hang out and talk. Then, we got a little sentimental and had McDonald's and jack and coke while watching the BBC series of Robin Hood.

 

"True friendship presupposes equality." It's so good to spend time with someone who genuinely knows and loves you, with whom there is nothing expected from one or the other in the relationship, with whom the only goal is to joyfully find Heaven together.

 



Human Beings, not Human Doings

Today, we spontaneously took the day "off". I say "off" because we still somehow managed to do a full day of work, but still managed to spend a majority of the day just being. We had prayer, Mass, a meeting with Father, our team meeting, and planned and put on a formation night for our student missionaries... AND spent a few hours in Fort Collins with the FOCUS teams from CU and CSU going on a brewery tour, eating at Choice City, and playing pool downtown. It was great to get together with friends and discuss life and being a missionary and BE together.

Sometimes as a missionary, it's hard for me to take some down time. Since my schedule is so random I sometimes don't notice that within Mon, Tues and Wed I've already worked over 40 hours. When your job has eternal significance (bringing people to Jesus, possibly helping save their soul), it is hard to not do it 24/7 - if I take some time for fun or relaxing it feels selfish.

This spirit creeps into my perspective of the world, of my God, and of myself. It slowly turns inward and I begin to place my worth on what I do instead of who I am as a daughter of God. It is hard to tell myself that even if something is good, it isn't always good for me to do. That if I'm not living a life worthy of imitation, I'm actually having a negative effect on the people God has placed in my life. That actually God doesn't need me in order to save the souls on campus, but allows me to be a part of it. That it isn't in the things I "do for God", but in how I live my everyday life that people can see Jesus in me. In a recent FOCUS Blog article titled What I Wish College Students Knew about Joy, I read:

Too many modern Christians fail to stand up or to stand out. We are called to live differently, are we not? And not just in what we refuse to do, say, or wear, but on a far deeper level of how we live out our vocation to love with unwavering joy, peace and, dare I say, a sense of humor. All of the atheists, pagans, and anti-Catholics combined have not done as much damage to the gospel in our modern age as joyless Christians have done.

Prayer is the key ingredient to evangelistic “success” – for it is only through prayer that we keep this divine perspective, fan the flame of our joy, and laugh in the face of death.

So what do I wish all college students knew about presenting their faith to others? I wish all students focused more on the “good” in the good news. I wish students understood the importance of joy as a fundamental daily disposition and of laughter as the most effective tool to open a hardened heart. And I wish that other students would have modeled a vibrant, joyful, and authentically Catholic life when I was in college…it would have saved me a lot of years in my own personal prison.

My job is not about doing as much as I can on campus, but in doing well what I can while modeling a vibrant, joyful, authentically Catholic life. And today, God used my team to help remind me of that and force me to have a little holy leisure!

 

Roses are Red...

One of the major criticisms we hear of the pro-life stance is that we care about babies, but not about the mothers. Even though this is not true, I understand how it could be misinterpretted to feel that way. For this reason, we added another event to Bearfoot for Babies that seemingly has nothing to do with Babies. We handed roses out to women on campus today and told them they were beautiful.

On these roses, were tied little notes that the young religious education students at our parish wrote for them. Most of them said, "You are Precious!" or "You are Precious to God!" We did this to treat them with and help them know the dignity they have in being a daughter of God. It was such a beautiful treat to be the one handing them out. Each time I gave a rose away, I was blessed to witness their eyes light up. They would get a little excited and look a little giddy. You could see in their eyes something that said, "Wow... for me? :)" Then, they would become a little skeptical. I think our society has done this to us - made us skeptical of any genuine generosity. We get uncomfortable allowing anyone to do something for us without giving them something in return. Even those of us who can be generous sometimes struggle accepting someone else's generosity. Oftentimes we expect there to be a catch. It was refreshing to be able to honestly answer there inquiries about why I was giving away free roses with a response that told them just because I care about you, just because you are beautiful, just because you are worth it, just because you deserve a little joy and surprise today, just because God was thinking about you... I was honored to receive each of those little smiles for Jesus.

 

And let us not forget the men. The students also made little notes for them. These read, "Man up and defend life." Although my personal favorite was one that read, "You are precious to God? Man up and defend yourself!" haha. We attached these to packs of M&Ms and the men handed them out to men on campus. Sounded like they brought up a lot of good pro-life discussion.