Airport

Hello!!!

Just sitting here at the airport in Grand Forks. There are about 20 people at the gate and I'm sitting next to the window - staring out at the flat, white tundra. I already miss my kitty, the perpetual snow, and the bone-chilling cold. As strange as it sounds, the cold and the openness feel like home.

It was so good to see so many familiar faces at home, but there is no time to be sad -- In 40 hours I get on a bus from Greeley to ORLANDO!! I'm so excited for SEEK2013!!!!! Please throw up a prayer for all of the students coming. (and my team as this is a crazy time for us!)

Thanks! Can't wait to update you about the conference!!

Happy (almost) New Year!

Highlights of Home

I have been blessed to be back in North Dakota for a week and a half now.

It all started the evening of Friday the 14th. Kel and Tommy dropped me off at the airport. I walked in, checked a bag, and headed for security. No lines! The place was almost empty. Buzzed through security and got to my gate... Had an extra hour to read my book - Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, a story set in 1850 CA gold rush that is based on the biblical character of Hosea. I finished it about half way through the flight home and then turned my reading light off, lay my head back, and glanced out the window. In the dark night above all of the clouds I had a front row seat to the METEOR SHOWER going on!

I LOVE this state and it was so refreshing to be back!!! Here are a few things I didn't realize I missed until I got to re-experience them the past two weeks:

Inch thick frost on the trees (see pic below!)
Roads that are snowpacked
The "chance of snow" telling you how much snow we'll get instead of if we'll get any maybe
Snow in general
Food made with flour, eggs, and butter :)
Movies with my mama - Les Miserables was AWESOME.
Photobooth - with the number of people we had, we did it chinese firedrill style (pics below!)
Baking and shopping with my sister
Visiting Melissa Pung at the Bethlehem Community in Bathgate (pic below!)
Plays/Musicals at New Rockford
Late night Christmas Board Games
Early Morning Christmas card games (Hand and Foot, Nertz, Speed, Tripoly, etc)
The familiarity of a small town
Caroling at the nursing homes
Seeing my Newman people :)
Catching up with my friends from High School!!!!!
Seeing all my cousins - I didn't realize how much I missed all my friends and family - or how awesome they are :) I really, really love them all and don't appreciate them nearly enough.

All in all, it has been a joy and blessing to be back here! I'm almost rejuvinated and ready to head back to Colorado.

Bacon-wrapped water chestnuts!

The Melissa Anns!

Sleepy's House

I chose this name in honor of Kelley who calls bedtime "going to Sleepy's House".  Last Tuesday morning at 8:26 I followed her into her room and kicked off my slippers and lay down on the her bedroom floor as she crawled back into bed. We stayed like that in silent disbelief for a moment until I began laughing like a crazy person at the irony of the preceeding events.

Sunday - I'll begin here. It was the last day for students to sign up to go to our National Conference (SEEK) in Orlando in January. This is a place where students can meet thousands of other Catholic students from around the country and learn about why we believe what we do, and be built up in the faith - all of them will be given an opportunity to encounter the person of Jesus Christ and the hand of God in their life. This is the day that we had about 15 more students finally sign up to go! One of these is a new friend of mine who hasn't been baptized and could count on one hand the number of times she's been in a church. I'm soooo excited she's coming!

On Monday, to celebrate registration closing, we went to dinner in Denver at our regional director's home. They cooked for us, let us play with their little boy, invited us to pray with the family after dinner, and PLAY MAFIA! This is a card game simulating a town. The "mafia" kill people and the townspeople have to try to figure out who they are before they kill the whole town. Hm - writing it down like that makes it sound kind of cruel and not holy... I promise it is a fun, not-awful game. He talked us into staying late and gave us permission to take the next morning off. We played until midnight and finally were home in bed about 1:30am. We NEVER move prayer - usually at 9 - and this was a big deal. like really. It felt weird, but nice, to not set an alarm.

These past two days have been soooo good!

Tuesday morning. Not quite 8. and there is pounding on the door. I'm the only one who can here it since my room is closest. I roll over, still half asleep and it stops. Once again, pounding. At this point, I'm a little annoyed wondering who could be so desperate to get in the chapel so early that doesn't know the code to the door?? In my annoyance I firmly decide not to answer it. Pounding - for the third time. At this point I angrily jump out of bed to peer out my window and see who it is: a group of middleaged men I've never seen before. I throw on my robe and try to blink my contacts back to normal while I answer the door. SURPRISE! The roofers are here to do our roof. They need us to move all of our cars. I wake up my roommates and step into my slippers before heading out to put my car on the street. Then I realize we live on campus. 8 am class had started now. There is nowhere to park. I finally find a place a few blocks down and walk back down the busy street to my house in my pajamas. While I'm still a couple houses away, another group of guys that arrived later scrambled up onto the roof. One had the nerve to whistle at me! I would have liked to see his face when he realized it was MY roof he was on.

Then, 8:26... staring at the ceiling in Kelley's room... and the pounding on our roof began.

I'd like to inform you that Kelley and I haven't been sleeping well for the last couple months as it is. I think it's a mini attack from satan. When we don't sleep well we are tired and more crabby and have headaches and are less charitable with those around us and less able to focus on our mission.

ie This morning's surprise awakening and pounding became a moment of unleashing over a month of pent-up anger and lack of virtue. I was so mad.

All week, little things kept going wrong and making things worse and worse. It was like I was stuck in this anger and couldn't let it go. The girls in my bible study a week later were also stressed with final tests and projects. We decided to do something called deliverance prayer. This is a form of prayer that has five key points:
1. repentence
2. forgiveness
3. renouncing spirits by name
4. taking authority in the name of Jesus
5. receiving the Father's blessing

In our baptism, we receive the Holy Spirit and in the name of Jesus Christ, can name spirits influencing us and cast them away from us to bind themselves to the foot of the cross. I wouldn't recommend doing this on your own until you've done it with someone who knows what they are doing. We were taught this at training this summer and so I led the group in this type of prayer for bible study. Afterward, we all felt lighter and joyful and peaceful...

AND I was able to sleep well for the first time in a long while!! Yay!
(That's right - Behind me, satan!)

Not Your Typical Tuesday

Reason number one: Julie, one of the girls I disciple, came with me on campus for a form of "bare handed evangelization". We decided to get lunch and sit with someone who was sitting alone. We grabbed food at the UC (their student union of sorts) and headed to the dining area. There she was - the girl we were going to sit with - at the first table. Her name was Brittney. We got to know her a little and then one of her friends joined us, too. Meet Kayla. 

[Aside: Being a missionary, it's super easy to nonchalantly turn the conversation to Christ. All I have to do is ask what year they are or what they are studying and they turn it right back and ask me. I get to say something along the lines of, "Actually, I'm a missionary here!" Works every time. :)]

Brittney wasn't very interested in this piece of news, but Kayla was. She kept bringing the random conversation back to it by asking little questions. She was very interested in what I did and told me that she was Catholic and sometimes went to church at another parish in town. I invited them both to our ugly sweater/Christmas karaoke/gingerbread house making/white elephant party at the Catholic Campus Center on Thursday. Brittney works, but Kayla wants to come! She didn't want to show up alone, so we exchanged numbers and talked about meeting up sometime for coffee, too. Yay!

Reason numero dos: A girl randomly came up to me and a few students and asked if we were with BearCatholic. She said she wanted to get involved, but didn't know how. One of our students, Natalie, immediately started talking to her about our events and Bible studies and grabbed her contact info so they could stay in touch! The Holy Spirit truly is working in people all around us and they are searching for Him!

Reason three: No ballroom class. sad face.

This was the first Tuesday that I didn't spent two hours dancing! I don't know if I can explain how much I love this class or how much I've grown in my relationship with God through it. It's also been a great way for me to make contacts with students in the music/theater department. I need to be clear - I'm not actually IN the class. They were short 4 girls and two of my students are in the class, so they invited me! I showed up and the teacher was glad to have another girl and let me come every week even though I wasn't registered. That brings me to why I wasn't there this week. They have started testing. Two of the boys were injured over the course of the semester and dropped so they didn't need another girl for testing - especially since I didn't need to test for the class I wasn't actually in. ie the class is over for me.

I was sad to not be guaranteed two hours of dancing a week anymore, but also sad that I wasn't sure how I was going to keep in touch at all (and not be TOO creepy!) with the people I met in class.

But PRAISE JESUS! God is bigger than I. I ran into two of the students on campus - and they happened to be two that I had formed more of a relationship with. God grants us divine appointments when we ask for them. (and a lot of times even when we don't.)

Reason four: There was an exorcist in town. Yes, you read that right. Have you seen the movie The Rite? The priest whose life the book and movie were based on, Father Gary Thomas, came to our campus. We ended up getting a crowd of about 1500 people to come hear him talk about exorcism, satan, and Christ's victory over sin and death. He spend about half an hour speaking and then another two answering questions from the crowd.

I was excited that his talk was a similiar format to what we call a "Gospel presentation". Basically, when you are sharing the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with someone there are four main parts:
1. We are made for relationship - specifically relationship with God.
2. Because of sin, this relationship has been broken and the consequence of sin is death.
3. Christ came into the world and died once for all of us so that our relationship with the Father can be restored.
4. Do you want that relationship?

Fr. Thomas did just that - he shared the salvation found in Jesus and then offered all of those in attendance His gift of life through starting a relationship with Him.

Last, but not least... Reason 5: Some friends from out of town came for the talk and we were able to hang out with them afterward!

Now, after a typically long Wednesday, Guten Nacht! Buenas Noches!

Pirate Prayer and Giving Thanks

One of the things I'm doing with the girls I mentor is pray together. Every time we get together, we do something called Lectio Divina. This is latin for Divine Reading. Essentially, it's praying with scripture. We usually pray with the Gospel reading for daily Mass - since it's chosen specifically for that day by the church to speak to the people. I like to use lectio divina in a form I was taught called pirate prayer. :) It's called this because the acronym we use is ARRR. (Get it? ha.)

A. Acknowledge. First, we place ourselves in God's presence and acknowledge to ourselves the things distracting us, the emotions we're feeling, the things on our mind...
R. Relate. Second, we relate all of these things to God. We tell him honestly how we are... the state of our soul and heart, we can thank Him, praise Him, ask Him for help, tell Him our frustrations and joys.
R. Receive. Third, we allow Him to speak to us. This is where the scripture comes in - He speaks to us through His word. We read it and look for things that stick out to us. We take those parts and ask what God is trying to tell us through it.
R. Respond. Lastly, we apply what God spoke to us to our lives. How does it relate to what we told Him in step 2? What was revealed to us about ourselves? Do we need to change something in our lives? Do we need to just be aware/have a perspective change?

Today:
Acknowledging how I was I realized that these past couple of weeks I've struggled with the virtue of charity. I've struggled loving people in their weakness, where they're at, accepting them for who they are and the fact that I can't change them. I've struggled with being generous and patient. I gave this to God, let Him know who and what I was struggling with in particular and then went on:

Today's reading is Luke 17: 11-19

As Jesus continued his journey to Jerusalem,
he traveled through Samaria and Galilee.
As he was entering a village, ten lepers met him.
They stood at a distance from him and raised their voice, saying,
"Jesus, Master! Have pity on us!"
And when he saw them, he said,
"Go show yourselves to the priests."
As they were going they were cleansed.
And one of them, realizing he had been healed,
returned, glorifying God in a loud voice;
and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him.
He was a Samaritan.
Jesus said in reply,
"Ten were cleansed, were they not?
Where are the other nine?
Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?"
Then he said to him, "Stand up and go;
your faith has saved you."

The first thing that stuck out was, "As they were going they were cleansed." Then, "Where are the other nine?" As I was thinking about these I realized that I can really relate to these lepers. They came to Jesus, as they were and asked Him for help. They trusted Him by going to show themselves to the high priest even though He didn't heal them right away - they weren't healed until they took that initial leap of faith to follow His lead. Then the second part... Where are they? They are where He told them to go. They were still doing His will. They are getting their reward for trusting Him. They are rejoicing in being healed, going back into society, to worship at the temple, to their families whom they have been separated from, to their jobs... they are going back to their lives! What a gift from God. But that one leper, the one who thanks Jesus, trusts that this gift will still be there if he takes ten minutes to thank Jesus for it. He (the one who doesn't know God) understands that something incredible has happened to him when the other nine are used to hearing stories of God's power and witnessing it in their own lives. They've grown accustomed to it and expect it. Got me thinking, what is my reward? Do I expect or feel entitled to what God gives me for trusting Him? Do I love Him for being God and creating and loving me or for the things He gives me? Do I stop to thank God for the little things He gives me every day or take them for granted? This brought to mind a quote I saw somewhere and didn't think much of at the time:

What if we woke up tomorrow with only the things we thanked God for today?

When I get frustrated with my teammates or annoyed at a student or upset when things don't go the way I want do I still thank God for them? Given the option, I'd still rather wake up with them in my life tomorrow, so why am I not still thanking God for them? They are His gift to me today. Gratitude feeds charity. Thanks for the kick in perspective, God! Needed that one.

A little insight into my life with students, my prayer, and my heart today. Hope you enjoy :)

One Nation... under God

I'm sorry if you are extremely sick of election stuff... this is more about post election stuff. I promise to move on to other things after this, but as a missionary, the results of the election have been a major talking point in teaching students how to live a Catholic life.

My conversations have been a lot about why the church is against the legalization of marijuana in Colorado, why the HHS mandate is an attack on religious freedom, and some on the same-sex marriage issue.

There is one issue, though, that is starting to take over my current discussions:

Rendering unto Caesar.

["But it's OBAMA!?" Yes, I know... you can read my thoughts on that matter if you haven't already.]

Anyway... this is all coming up because of the astonishing piece of news that over 40 states have filed petitions to secede from the United States!

This is going to come out as an exhortation... forgive me in advance :)

This is OUR country! This is OUR government! We can't run. If we won't fight for America, who will? We need to fight for the goodness of our country and the principles it was founded on. We voted, as a country, and Obama was elected. We need to unite as a country - one country... if we are going to bring this whole country to the under God part. That means uniting behind Obama. Yes, certain things he stands for, we disagree with - I'm not saying we have to give in - just not give up! We need to fight for what we believe in and value. We need to fight him when he is unjust; we also need to work with him on the things he is willing to work with us on. Catholics were generally more democratic until the life issue came up - meaning the democratic party has a lot of good things that we as Catholics also need to be having a say in --- our Gospel is a Gospel of life AND social justice. We also care about the common good - which, luckily, (as long as we can't change Obama being in the white house) Obama is willing to work with us about. These areas are things we CAN make a difference in right now that DO need to be reformed.

"Be soldiers." These are the words of Pope Benedict. Soldiers don't leave the battle field. Soldiers don't watch from the sidelines. Soldiers stay and fight for what they believe in.

Yeah, 'Murica! :)

... and the Election (FOR SOULS!)

Obama.

I'm not upset Obama was re-elected.

I didn't vote for him. I don't agree with a lot of what he stands for.

I DO, however, know our God.

The biggest disappointment I had was watching all of the Christians on my facebook feed give in to despair. "Who wants to move with me to (insert country that isn't the USA)?!" "The mayans were right, the end of the world will be in Dec 2012!" "How stupid are people that we re-elected Obama?!" "There goes religious freedom and protecting life. out the window. done deal."

Come on! Y'all are the CHRISTIANS! We don't fear. We don't worry. We don't complain about what God gives us - good or bad, comfort or suffering. We trust. We love. We have HOPE. We take the situation we're given and make the most of it and have joy in Jesus Christ. We don't need to agree with them, but we need to show respect and honor to every child of God.

Anyway, not the point of this blog post.

The point is, I'm not surprised that God allowed Obama to have another 4 years with us. Look at what has happened in these last 4 years within the church! As a church, we've become more united, we've been forced to know what we believe and why, we've been standing up for the things we value, we've been obligated to explain our beliefs and share them with the world, we've been praying and fasting, we've been trusting in God...

We've been actually acting like Christians.

I think another blog I read this morning put it really well:

One “positive” thing you can say about Obama is that he’s done more to unite the Catholic Church in America than anyone in the past 50 years. He got every Catholic bishop to stand against him. He also did a lot to unite the Christian Church—remember Mike Huckabee saying, “Today, I’m Catholic!” Heck, he even got evangelical Christians to back a Mormon for president.

If we had woken up this morning with the headline, “Romney is the President,” we might have gone back to sleep feeling secure in one nation under God. We could be thankful that this HHS nonsense is over and we can go back to our lives. We could be hopeful that abortions would be reduced thanks to government intervention. That’s how I hoped to start the day.

But God does not want us asleep. He wants us awake. He wants us to do the same thing we’ve been doing: pray, work, and fast for our country.

If we thought we could wake up and feel safe about these issues because Romney got elected then we’d be as foolish as those on the other side of these issues who think Obama is the “savior.” We can’t depend on the government for our spiritual “welfare.” We’ve got to go out and proclaim God’s truth with our lips and share His love from our hearts.
 

God is bigger than an election - He is about winning hearts and saving souls. I'd like to take a moment to remind you that Obama isn't our enemy. Satan is our enemy. Satan wants souls. This war we're in is a war for souls. Satan wants Obama's soul. We are fighting to win souls that are victims of satan. Obama is a victim. He is one of the souls we are fighting FOR, not AGAINST.

If it takes Obama being in office to make Christians act like Christians, bring it on.

Reflection...

Yesterday, I took a day of reflection.

As a missionary, I am so blessed to be able to take a day once a month for reflection and recollection!! This means that I take a day off to spend all day in prayer (as in fasting and silence and hours of adoration) to reflect on my life and relationship with God.

In discipleship with my girls I ask them the same question every week: "How is your soul?" I love this question. It's the same as asking how someone is doing, but it brings their relationship with God into the conversation. We talk about their desires, their struggles, their values, the state of their soul and all of the things that affect it. This was essentially what I was asking myself and Jesus yesterday... How is my soul? How is my heart? How am I doing keeping God at the center of my life? Am I making this mission about HIM or about ME?

For those of you that have been reading my blog, I've been talking a lot about being busy and needing to reorder my life and priorities and being tired and how hard it's been to choose joy lately. You've also maybe noticed that I haven't updated in about 2 weeks. Two weeks ago, I got pretty sick. I was out of commission on and off for about a week. This is something that was extremely hard for me to deal with - I felt helpless. All I could do was lay in bed, sleep, drink some tea, sleep some more, answer a few emails, sleep some more... you get the idea. I couldn't do my bible studies, I couldn't get up for prayer in the morning, I couldn't meet wth my students for discipleship, I couldn't go out on campus and meet students... and all of this was made more frustrating because I was the one "in charge" for the week while our team director was in Rome. Power Hour didn't happen, women's night ended up just being a movie since I couldn't give the talk, etc... needless to say, I felt a little like a failure when Kelley came back and I had to recount all of this to her when she got back and asked how all of it went.

During prayer, I was praying with scripture and stopped to mull over for where your treasure is, there also your heart will be. What is my treasure? Is my treasure really God alone? Am I putting things above God in my heart? Not money, not worldly success, not what people think of me... Ah, yes. There was something. My idea of being "good", my plan for my holiness, reaching my expectations for myself. ME. I was putting more importance on what I needed to do to be a good daughter of God than the fact that I am a daughter of God.

So all this talk about busyness and such? Obviously I knew I needed to do something, but I hadn't. God kept tapping on my shoulder and showing me it wasn't good... and still I didn't. So what did He do? He slowed me down Himself. He let me get sick and stay in bed for most of a week. He allowed me the chance to be weak. He allowed me to see what was truly important. He allowed me the chance to not put me in the equation for what was done on campus that week. He allowed me to refocus on Him. He allowed me to trust Him and that He would be the salvation for the students at UNC. He gave me permission to have fun, to spread His truth in love and joy, to share His greatness through my own weakness.

God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise, and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong. - 1 Cor 1:27

God chose the foolish and the weak to be the ones He uses. If I want Him to use me, and make me perfectly into who He created me to be, I must allow that I am foolish and weak. AND I must give myself permission to be silly and weak in the eyes of the world (and myself!).

Thought to leave you with:

Let us think for a moment about the concept of vacation. We need to get away, relax, rest, enjoy life a little... so we go on vacation. Our lives have become so unlivable that we need to escape from them.

Living a life that takes time to enjoy spending time with our family instead of working long hours, tithing instead of giving ourselves a little more comfort, having true Christian values in America... looks foolish to our culture. We look weak. We look stupid. It looks inefficient and like we're not reaching our full potential or making as much money as we could. But I'll guarantee our lives are more livable. And that God blesses us with what we need.

Minnesota!

This weekend I visited Duluth, MN for the first time! You see, there is a certain someone there named Rosalin who I missed terribly and decided to go visit. She is my "focus bester" :) She would joke about how I called so many people my best friends, and so we decided to make up a new term that would only be ours.

It was a little bittersweet flying in since I wouldn't get to go home... but my parents were in Philly anyway, so I wouldn't get to see them if I did.

We had such a good time! We did a lot of the touristy things and just plain old enjoyed each other's company. We made Mass and holy hour a priority - was neat to see their chapel and Newman house so I know what the place she lives and works in is like! We ate at a little cafe. We went to Split Rock light house, unfortunately it was SUPER foggy and we couldn't really see over the water, but we DID get peanut butter cookies! We stopped and ate at Betty's Pies - a must if you're ever in the area! By the time we finished eating and got our pies, I felt like my french blueberry cream slice was about a quarter of the pie. I heard my grandma Lil's voice in my head saying, "It's just a jam pie!" :)

We took the scenic route along the lake back to Duluth. We went to the tower at the top of the hill in town where you could look down over Duluth and the lake. It was really pretty. We found this chicken on the way... I would've been disappointed in myself had I not taken a picture with it. I was raised in a family where you always take pictures with statues, especially of large animals, and you obviously have to try to act the statue out!

 

We stopped at the mall because my phone was acting funny and, since Rosalin was wanting her hair cut, decided to up and cut our hair! She cut over 6 inches off and I took a chance with straight bangs. We had late night perkins and fell asleep watching a movie!

 

Sunday, we got to spend some time with Father Mike Schmitz after Mass. It was so wonderful. He exudes Jesus all over the place. If there were one person who overflowed joy and love, it would be him. He took us out for lunch at Sir Benedict's Tavern where I enjoyed a delicious bacon and avocado sandwich and soup. We talked and joked until he had to go and then stopped for coffee on the way home. It gave me so much life to just spend time with him. I can see why Rosalin and he get along... I've decided they are perfect complements: quite different in personality, but very similiar in interests and sense of humor.

 

Rosalin and I took our coffee and headed out to walk along the Lake Walk. We noticed along the shore below there was a cave in the rock. Luckily for us, we were able to get down to the shore and get over to it - no easy feat in our church clothes!! It was slightly anticlimatic when we realized how small it was... I was secretly hoping, but strongly terrified, that there would be a wild animal inside. Not the case, just some sharpie writing on the walls. Rosalin had her pepper spray to ease my nervies, just in case.

 

We spent some time in good conversation with a couple of young adults in the community - so refreshing to be able to just hang out and talk. Then, we got a little sentimental and had McDonald's and jack and coke while watching the BBC series of Robin Hood.

 

"True friendship presupposes equality." It's so good to spend time with someone who genuinely knows and loves you, with whom there is nothing expected from one or the other in the relationship, with whom the only goal is to joyfully find Heaven together.

 



Human Beings, not Human Doings

Today, we spontaneously took the day "off". I say "off" because we still somehow managed to do a full day of work, but still managed to spend a majority of the day just being. We had prayer, Mass, a meeting with Father, our team meeting, and planned and put on a formation night for our student missionaries... AND spent a few hours in Fort Collins with the FOCUS teams from CU and CSU going on a brewery tour, eating at Choice City, and playing pool downtown. It was great to get together with friends and discuss life and being a missionary and BE together.

Sometimes as a missionary, it's hard for me to take some down time. Since my schedule is so random I sometimes don't notice that within Mon, Tues and Wed I've already worked over 40 hours. When your job has eternal significance (bringing people to Jesus, possibly helping save their soul), it is hard to not do it 24/7 - if I take some time for fun or relaxing it feels selfish.

This spirit creeps into my perspective of the world, of my God, and of myself. It slowly turns inward and I begin to place my worth on what I do instead of who I am as a daughter of God. It is hard to tell myself that even if something is good, it isn't always good for me to do. That if I'm not living a life worthy of imitation, I'm actually having a negative effect on the people God has placed in my life. That actually God doesn't need me in order to save the souls on campus, but allows me to be a part of it. That it isn't in the things I "do for God", but in how I live my everyday life that people can see Jesus in me. In a recent FOCUS Blog article titled What I Wish College Students Knew about Joy, I read:

Too many modern Christians fail to stand up or to stand out. We are called to live differently, are we not? And not just in what we refuse to do, say, or wear, but on a far deeper level of how we live out our vocation to love with unwavering joy, peace and, dare I say, a sense of humor. All of the atheists, pagans, and anti-Catholics combined have not done as much damage to the gospel in our modern age as joyless Christians have done.

Prayer is the key ingredient to evangelistic “success” – for it is only through prayer that we keep this divine perspective, fan the flame of our joy, and laugh in the face of death.

So what do I wish all college students knew about presenting their faith to others? I wish all students focused more on the “good” in the good news. I wish students understood the importance of joy as a fundamental daily disposition and of laughter as the most effective tool to open a hardened heart. And I wish that other students would have modeled a vibrant, joyful, and authentically Catholic life when I was in college…it would have saved me a lot of years in my own personal prison.

My job is not about doing as much as I can on campus, but in doing well what I can while modeling a vibrant, joyful, authentically Catholic life. And today, God used my team to help remind me of that and force me to have a little holy leisure!

 

Roses are Red...

One of the major criticisms we hear of the pro-life stance is that we care about babies, but not about the mothers. Even though this is not true, I understand how it could be misinterpretted to feel that way. For this reason, we added another event to Bearfoot for Babies that seemingly has nothing to do with Babies. We handed roses out to women on campus today and told them they were beautiful.

On these roses, were tied little notes that the young religious education students at our parish wrote for them. Most of them said, "You are Precious!" or "You are Precious to God!" We did this to treat them with and help them know the dignity they have in being a daughter of God. It was such a beautiful treat to be the one handing them out. Each time I gave a rose away, I was blessed to witness their eyes light up. They would get a little excited and look a little giddy. You could see in their eyes something that said, "Wow... for me? :)" Then, they would become a little skeptical. I think our society has done this to us - made us skeptical of any genuine generosity. We get uncomfortable allowing anyone to do something for us without giving them something in return. Even those of us who can be generous sometimes struggle accepting someone else's generosity. Oftentimes we expect there to be a catch. It was refreshing to be able to honestly answer there inquiries about why I was giving away free roses with a response that told them just because I care about you, just because you are beautiful, just because you are worth it, just because you deserve a little joy and surprise today, just because God was thinking about you... I was honored to receive each of those little smiles for Jesus.

 

And let us not forget the men. The students also made little notes for them. These read, "Man up and defend life." Although my personal favorite was one that read, "You are precious to God? Man up and defend yourself!" haha. We attached these to packs of M&Ms and the men handed them out to men on campus. Sounded like they brought up a lot of good pro-life discussion.

For The Babies!

It is Bearfoot for Babies week (we're the UNC Bears, get it?!). That means all week the prolife students on campus have been walking around barefoot in silent protest as a witness for those who will never have the opportunity to wear shoes. There are also events going on every day. Today we had a Life Expo in the main student center on campus. There were booths set up for pro-life, the pregnancy center, NFP (natural family planning) information, ENDOW and theology of the body stuff, and the ask a priest booth.

I helped out there for a while and then walked out to watch over the 3300 cross display outside. This was to make people more aware of the fact that 3300 babies are killed in the US alone EVERY DAY by abortion. Many people came up to ask me about it. Some thought it was awesome and took their shoes off to join us. Some thought it was not so awesome and let me know it. Others just walked by and tried not to notice. Overall, it gave me so much hope! People were willing to stop and ask me about it and actually discuss abortion with me - whether or not they agreed. I was able to share truth about how abortion and contraception not only hurt babies, but mothers. And fathers. And the relationship between man and woman. I was able to give hope to some who needed healing.

After that, I went to my ballroom dancing class. This class is something I'm not actually enrolled in since I'm not a student, but they needed more girls, so I go every week. It isn't mandatory, but for leisure, and I tell you what - I have learned more about myself in this class than from anything else this year! That is a complete other story, though. Today, I was able to be a witness as a barefooted dancer. I had asked the teacher if it was ok right before class started so I didn't break any rules and she decided to make an announcement out of it. Therefore the whole class knew I was going barefoot that day, but not why. This brought up a number of discussions during class with the men I danced with - the only unfortunate part was we were learning the Argentine tango: the dance of passion. If any of you have seen dirty dancing havana nights, we learned moves like that on day one. Not a modest dance to say the least. One guy was enjoying it so much he warned me not to do the next move she was teaching us or he wouldn't be able to control his urge to lick my neck. It was awkward.

Walking back from class, I walk by one of the sorority houses. We are actually on good terms with this sorority and hang out sometimes. Today, though, was the serenade. The fraternities come and sing to the women and the women sing back. I'm not going to quote what they said, but it was all about sex. The vulgar humor and dirty jokes made my heart hurt for them! This is what they have been told will make them happy by the world. They are told they are made for pleasure. Oh if they knew their dignity! If they knew they were made for real love! If they knew Jesus Christ loved them so much and died for them and they deserved more!

Tonight, we had a speaker come in to talk about Hope and Healing after an Abortion. She gave us her life story. She talked about the abuse, the sex and drugs, her perspective and why she went to those things. She told us about the abortions and attempts at love and worthlessness she felt. Then she told us about meeting Christ and His love and mercy. It was a great talk and reminded me of why I became a missionary. It was a little painful as it reminded me of the hurt I've been through and the things I've struggled with, but helped me once again to better appreciate the love of Christ that I've grown so accostomed to knowing - helped me to take a glance through the eyes of fear and pain and remember that sharing faith is about compassion.

LIFE

Today my roommates and I hosted a baby shower! There were silly games, food, friends, laughter, and tears... but this wasn't just any baby shower. This was Raquel's baby shower.

For those of you who don't know Raquel, she is one of our student missionaries who decided to get involved once she found out she was pregnant, came face to face with the love and mercy of Jesus, and decided to use this and every aspect of her life to bring people to Jesus. I have been so inspired by her new confidence in herself as a daughter of God, her desire to share with all those around her the mercy found in Christ, and the joy and beauty she radiates. Here is her story, from her perspective:

So…I’m pregnant. I’m 21, single, a senior in college, and yes, I’m that girl. It happened on my 21^st birthday. Most people get to enjoy a few too many drinks, and possibly a bad headache the next day for their 21^st birthday. My experience was a little different. I was that girl that got way too drunk, that girl that was insecure, that girl that had a random hookup, that girl that couldn’t say no, that girl that got pregnant.

It should be understood that one drunken hook-up did not change my life. The devil had been working through the details for years leading up to this. He had been working the day I had my first illegal drink of alcohol. He was there when I lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew. He was there when I lost all self-respect and repeatedly got drunk and acted promiscuously. He was there when I searched for guy after guy for security. The devil was there the day after all those miserable hookups, feeding the thoughts of unworthiness and self-hate into my head. The devil was working the whole time. It’s no surprise that on my 21^st birthday, I got drunk “justifiably” because it was my birthday, and had sex with some guy. It was no surprise at all; in fact the devil had this in the works for many years.

Fortunately, God was working this whole time too.

The day I saw those two lines indicating a positive result, my whole world completely turned upside down. I was living every young girl’s worst nightmare. I was pregnant. At the time I found out I was pregnant, I was single, alone, and afraid. I literally felt I had no one to turn to. The weight of my own embarrassment, shame, self-hatred, and loss of self-worth was too much to bear and I never told a single soul I was pregnant and scheduled an abortion even though I knew to my very core it was wrong. The devil works when we are alone, and that’s exactly what I was - alone. Inside I was desperately screaming “Who could possibly love me?” There was no way I could tell anyone. I was afraid. I was afraid no one would love me if they knew that I had gotten pregnant. Being raised Catholic all of my life I was well versed in Church teaching on abortion. I knew that every aspect of it was wrong; it was emotionally, scientifically, theologically, spiritually, and fundamentally wrong – yet I was still going to do it.

However, God loved me too much to let me off the hook. The days leading up to my abortion, I would attend mass. I would sit in the very back, by myself, head down the entire time. I would shamefully watch other people receive the Eucharist as I sat there, unworthy of it. The weekend right before my scheduled abortion God pierced my soul with His unconditional, perfect love. It was as if all the readings and the homily were directed specifically at me. That day at mass I learned about God’s infinite mercy and forgiveness. I had obviously known intellectually about forgiveness and mercy, but that day was different. That day, God gave me the grace to feel His presence and his mercy and forgiveness in my heart. For the first time I knew with every ounce of my being that God DID love me as much as he loved the little life inside of me. For the first time in over a month of depression and turmoil and shame, I felt loved – in the midst of my brokenness. I realized that God gifted me not only with my life, but also entrusted to me the life growing inside me. In that moment I felt overwhelming peace and the courage to offer my life back to God as a gift and do His will, no matter how scared I was. By the grace of God alone, I cancelled my abortion.

That day changed me forever. I know His love is real; He has confirmed it to me time and time again. God confirmed His love for me when I finally built up the courage to tell my parents I was pregnant; my parents never condemned me, but instead embraced me and loved me and supported me. God confirmed His love for me when I finally went to confession and the priest praised me for my choice of life and gave me the grace to forgive myself. God confirmed His love for me when I told my friends and they not once judged me, but loved me and affirmed me of my worth. God confirmed His love for me when my doctor never questioned my age or why I didn’t have a husband and instead rejoiced in the development of the baby inside me. God confirmed His love for me every day at mass when He sacrifices himself over for me, so that I, a broken girl, could be forgiven and come to know Him.

I am now proud to say I am 39 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl. Any day I will get to hold this beautiful gift of life. I am proud to say that I have given my life back to God as a witness to life as I am one of the few, if not only pregnant girl attending a secular university. I also have a new found passion for helping the broken women found in an unplanned pregnancy as a volunteer advisor at our local Pregnancy Resource Center. Finally, I share my story with anyone and everyone, with just the small hope that another broken person can feel loved and know his/her life is truly a gift and that they are valued as a child of God. Life truly is a precious gift, and I’m so blessed that God gave me the grace to understand that, even in the midst of brokenness.
 

 Amen.

Reach for the Sky!

Remember how I wanted to live more like a real Colorado girl? Well, there is one thing you must do before you can consider yourself a true Coloradan... climb a 14er. This is a mountain whose summit is above 14,000 feet. There are a total of 54 of them in Colorado.This was our goal today, Kelley, Alyssa and I. This was the reason we were getting up before the sun. This was the day I was going to be able to consider myself accomplished in the eyes of the natives!

We got up, made a hearty hot breakfast, put on our bottom layer of clothes, packed our protein bars and water, and grabbed our Colorado beer. We were told this was a tradition - drinking a Colorado beer once we summitted our fourteener - and so dangit, we were going to do it right!

We started driving into the mountains, skirting the western edge of Denver, and headed to the base of Mount Bierstadt: 11,000 feet. Mind you, we are driving from Greeley: 4,700 feet. I began to feel the effects of this... winding mountain roads, an increase in over 6,000 feet, the big breakfast in my belly, the heat from having so many layers on... and sitting in the back seat. Then, for a moment, it didn't matter - We found the mountain! That is, we could see it. We began driving around it. This time of year is a little late in the season and not many people were around. The campgrounds, etc were all closed for the year and things were not marked very well. ie we drove around looking for the unmarked trailhead for over an hour. WE WERE GOING TO CLIMB THIS MOUNTAIN. We could see it, but being beginner hikers, didn't want to stray from the path... can you say frustrating?

Once it was too late to begin the hike and get back down at a safe time, we abandoned our search and began another trail that wasn't a fourteener. sad face. But, we went in with good spirits since we were still able to hike and be with each other. It was beautiful! There were rocky slopes and cliffs and a gorgeous mountain lake. About half way up it began to snow. It was so pretty! We summitted near another little mountain lake and decided to celebrate by doing a little swimming :) Brr.... then drank our beer and headed back down the mountain.

On the way home, we stopped by FOCUS national headquarters to say hi to our friends there and then in Boulder for dinner and darts with Kelley's boyfriend, Tommy. Such a wonderful day!!

Bear Awakening

This weekend I participated in a student-led retreat called Awakening. There are many "secrets" that you don't get to know of until you've been a retreater on the weekend, but I'll try to give you as much info as I can! There are different staffs you can be on if you've been on the retreat before. (I had not been a retreater, but I had been on a very similiar retreat called SEARCH and therefore knew all the secrets... so I was a staff member.) One staff is the leadership team in charge of all the logistics. They are chosen by Father and the 2 students who are the main leaders. There are also staffs that are the cooks for the weekend, the small group leaders, the technologically savvy people, the musical people, and last, but not least, the energetic people who make everything fun and do anything they are asked - that was me.  I was what we called a Go-For. Each staff and table had a saint as there patron and became the "theme" for that group for the weekend. Our saint was Martha (as in Mary and Martha) since she was a servant. We wanted to have the joy and heart of servants for the weekend. Therefore, our costumes (yes, we got to wear costumes!) were that of waitresses/waiters. The overall theme for the weekend was Lost and Found. Some of the other things included talks/testimonies by our students about things like sin, confession, love, hope, being a Christian in the midst of the world... and the one I got to give: being a woman of God! Each talk has a little activity and discussion time for the small groups - which I won't share with you here. It was fun and hopefully helped the retreaters see the importance and joy of having a relationship with Jesus and helping them begin to form one! Yay, Jesus!!!

Becoming a Real Colorado Girl

I live in Colorado.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of this reality. Mostly when I talk to someone from home and they get excited to hear about how awesome it is living in Colorado. The truth is, every day isn't a new outdoor adventure. I spend most of my time on a college campus in the middle of town and can't even SEE the mountains, but I CAN smell the cows!

Once I began to realize this, I decided I needed to take advantage of living here.  The real question then becomes, what is unique to living in Colorado? This weekend Leanne, a first year missionary in Fort Collins, and I decided to find out and be real Colorado girls.

First, swing dancing at a rodeo steakhouse called the Sundance. We slapped on some boots and spent the evening doing some country swing. Believe it or not the whole place was packed with young people and we had to fight for space on the dance floor all night!

In the morning, we got up and went to Mass before meeting up with some students, grabbing breakfast burritos (definitely a huge Colorado thing!) and doughnuts, and heading out to do some cliff jumping! We hopped in the car, drove to the edge of the mountains and hiked in to the river. We found a place where it dropped off as a waterfall and jumped in! It was soooo cold! The minute you got in, you were practically numb. It had been dry lately so the river was pretty low and we couldn't jump from very high. Instead, we decided to explore and see if we could swim behind the waterfall. It was a cold journey swimming along the rocks to stay out of the current, but we got there! We hung out there for a little while and once we decided we'd been in the cold water long enough, got out and laid on the warm rocks in the sun to dry off. I'm not going to mention the huge rock spider that I thought was going to eat me.

On the way back to town, we stopped at The Dam Store, one of the best known tourist gift shops around. Can't go wrong with t-shirts for $5 and postcards and huckleberry chocolates! For lunch, we met one of the student's priest friend at a $1.50/scoop chinese place. Turns out he is the youngest priest in the Diocese right now. Pretty neat!

After all that adventure, Leanne and I decided to walk around Old Town in Fort Collins. There is so much going on with the unique little shops, restaurants, microbreweries, and live music out on the streets. They have painted pianos randomly placed all over and Leanne gave me a mini concert before I left! Now, time to celebrate a student's 21st birthday the Catholic way - with lots of friends, food and moderation :)

Fit for Eternal Life

Sit ups for souls? Purgatory pushups? Most mornings that's what I feel like I'm doing.

Ok, you can pick your jaws up off the floor now. And, yes, you did hear me right.
I have been working out.

I can explain.

I started reading this book last spring called Fit for Eternal Life: A Christian Approach to Working Out, Eating Right, and Building the Virtues of Fitness in Your Soul. Let me tell you, it's convicting. The opening page has two Bible verses on it:

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

- 1 Cor 6:19

“You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

- Matt 5:48

Then it goes on to say: This book is about building your temple both inside and out. 
It is about perfecting yourself as a being created in God's image.

Ok, you have my attention.
 
A book about the holiness of being in shape? Most of you who know me, know that one of my least favorite activities is running. or lifting weights. or intentional physical activity in general. ie I don't like to work out and am pretty good at avoiding it. Sometimes I would be able to start something up if I had a good intention, such as doing it for the souls in purgatory or the conversion of heart of the students on campus. It would work. for a few days. but even where the spirit is willing, the flesh is still sometimes weak. like when it comes to me working out. 

So why is this book making any difference? I'll give you a couple of snippets from the first paragraphs for a little "taste test" of sorts. (With my own little comments of course.)

Since you’ve picked up this book, I suspect that you are already someone striving for spiritual perfection. Thank God for that. (Good start - a complement. Why, yes - I am!) But meanwhile, have you let your body fall into a state of disrepair? (I wouldn't call it disrepair...) Perhaps you’ve become too accustomed to swimming against the current of our modern world, with its vain and superficial glorification of physical appearance. Or maybe work and family obligations have just left you too busy to get to the gym. Or, maybe you’ve been putting so much focus on things spiritual that your body has gone neglected. (Hm... these are all things I'd normally be proud of. Put that way I feel a little ashamed.) In St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians, he tells us to treat the body as the Temple of the Holy Spirit, and to glorify God with it. God gave us our body as a most precious gift, and it is our Christian duty to care for it—indeed, to perfect it. In so doing, we show due reverence to the Holy Spirit who dwells within.

Of course, the modern world usually errs in the opposite extreme: treating the body as a god rather than as the dwelling-place of God. Physical indulgence and pleasure reign. (Amen to that.) But pious souls need not leave the world of the body to the hedonists. (feeling a little uncomfortable) Yes, spiritual things are higher, but God made us beings of both body and spirit, now and for eternity. We are “ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” it’s true, but please recall: at the end of time, we are to be resurrected, soul and body.

 

So what did I do? Last spring, nothing really... I still had some great excuses. I mean it was too cold to run. The gym is a half mile away. and I have no student parking pass, so that means walking. The sun doesn't even come up until 7. It's not safe to walk alone in the dark. By 7 I wouldn't have time to get there, work out, get back and get ready for the day before prayer at 9. Obviously.

 

This fall, I heard about the Warrior Dash, a 5K with obstacles like jumping over fire and crawling under barbed wire through mud. Who has two thumbs and really wants to do it? Uh, this girl! Who is terrified of the thought of running a 5K, with or without obstacles? Guilty.

 

Therefore, when the lovely Kelley Hogan told me she was going to start a workout program called Insanity, I jumped on the opportunity to start working out, do something I could do in the basement in the morning, and have accountability all in one! We're going on week three and haven't quit yet! Once in a while we've slept in after a late night or gone to early Mass instead, but we're "gettin' it"! So one day we can say with St. Paul, "I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith." - 2 Tim 4:7

 

Boom.

 

Welcome Week Detox and NFFs

Welcome week was incredible! Such a flurry of events and new faces and excitement! I was so proud of our student missionaries - getting out of their comfort zones and meeting people, being welcoming and getting to know the new freshmen who want to get involved, being excited to volunteer and help with events... they ROCK! They've got the zeal and love and energy of 20 year olds with ice pops and energy drinks who love Jesus!!! AND IT'S AWESOME! (and by-golly they ARE 20 year olds with ice pops and energy drinks who love Jesus!)

What did we do that was so fun and exciting?? Well, let me tell you! We had ultimate frisbee, game nights, bonfires, broomball, adoration & Mass on campus, a Rockies game, BearCatholic Olympics, flag football, dancing, praise and worship, and lots of free food! Don't forget helping freshmen move in, dorm storming, the student organization fair and did I say dorm storming? This is where we infiltrate the dorms and knock on all of the doors, introduce ourselves, invite them to some fun event, hang out and be friends, and start Bible studies. YES, we are starting a freshmen Bible study in EVERY dorm this year. And by the end of this week, everyone in those dorms know our faces pretty well. I've got a couple pics from a few of the events for your viewing pleasure!

 

On the left is Maggie. She is our campus coordinator :)

 Here she's telling a freshman girl about all of our fun events!

Kelley giving out otter pops during the bazaar!

Allie giving out otter pops - they were a hit since it was about 100 degrees that afternoon!

You can see Fr. Matt in the background :)

 

We had adoration, praise and worship, and Mass on the grass in the middle of campus!

Broomball!! This is such a fun and well attended event - so many new faces.

More Broomball!

WHOO!

You'll notice in the title I wrote welcome week detox... and may be a little confused after my excitement in the opening paragraphs. I'd like to clarify that when I say welcome week, I really mean eleven straight days of all day outreach and events when I haven't even unpacked from our pre-welcome week camping trip. So, yes, detox. While it is so good, after all of that, I need a little recuperation. Don't get me wrong, I have the greatest job in the world, but even jobs we love exhaust us. This is where the NFFs come in. Non-FOCUS Friends. These are people who are my age, usually also graduated, who I don't have a "work" relationship with. These are people I'm not in Bible study with, I'm not mentoring, I'm not purposefully trying to get to know them so I can share Jesus with them... they are normal friends. For Labor Day, some of us had a BBQ and talked and played silly games. Later we sat in the hot tub, ate oreos, and played minute to win it! We laughed and ate and had fun - It was so rejuvenating!! Now I'm ready for another week of outreach! Oh yeah.

Home Sweet Greeley

Here I am - back in Greeley, CO! I can't figure out if it's more crazy that I've been here for a whole week already or that I've been back for only a week. The school year at UNCo is just beginning - we had freshman move-in today - and with it comes the chaos of fall outreach!

We took a few days at the beginning of this week to get our student missionaries together and go on a mini retreat in the mountains. We went camping and hiking, had some prayer time and discussion, and lots of fun! More details on that later :)

To catch y'all up to speed, I'd like to introduce our team for the 2012-13 year. Most of them you will recognize from last year.

First off, we have Kelley Hogan, our fearless leader! She's back from Sugarland, TX and ready to head out into battle on the college campus. This year she's excited to work with our student missionaries on their leadership and evangelization skills. Her goal is to double the number of students leading Bible studies on campus - from 30 to 60!

Jon is also back again for Round 2 at UNC. (He must really love being a missionary here if he left Nebraska and the Huskers for this! haha.) This is a picture of him and Caleb, one of our student missionaries. We have quite a few of the members of the football team interested in joining Bible studies - one of them is already a student missionary and leading a Bible study this year! Jon is excited to work the athletes and also to be involved in FOCUS Missions.

 

Javier is also returning for a second year at UNC!! (like I said, you'll recognize most of us!) This is a picture of Brad, another student missionary, and Javi. He's taking on men's formation this year - mostly hosting men's nights to discuss what it means to be masculine and a true man of God. He is also working on our team development... ie as missionaries we like to continue learning about our Catholic faith and Jav is going to help us keep it up :)

 

 

Last, but not least, we'd like to welcome Dana to the team! She is originally from Colorado and is familiar with the area - super helpful. She was just married in May and her husband, Derek, is a grad student. They are expecting their first child!!!! Due in March... no big deal. She is tackling women's formation and Greek outreach! She is spunky and a bundle of energy - so glad to have her on the team!



Keep us in your prayers as we begin the ten days of Welcome Weekend events! Whoop!!