LIFE

Today my roommates and I hosted a baby shower! There were silly games, food, friends, laughter, and tears... but this wasn't just any baby shower. This was Raquel's baby shower.

For those of you who don't know Raquel, she is one of our student missionaries who decided to get involved once she found out she was pregnant, came face to face with the love and mercy of Jesus, and decided to use this and every aspect of her life to bring people to Jesus. I have been so inspired by her new confidence in herself as a daughter of God, her desire to share with all those around her the mercy found in Christ, and the joy and beauty she radiates. Here is her story, from her perspective:

So…I’m pregnant. I’m 21, single, a senior in college, and yes, I’m that girl. It happened on my 21^st birthday. Most people get to enjoy a few too many drinks, and possibly a bad headache the next day for their 21^st birthday. My experience was a little different. I was that girl that got way too drunk, that girl that was insecure, that girl that had a random hookup, that girl that couldn’t say no, that girl that got pregnant.

It should be understood that one drunken hook-up did not change my life. The devil had been working through the details for years leading up to this. He had been working the day I had my first illegal drink of alcohol. He was there when I lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew. He was there when I lost all self-respect and repeatedly got drunk and acted promiscuously. He was there when I searched for guy after guy for security. The devil was there the day after all those miserable hookups, feeding the thoughts of unworthiness and self-hate into my head. The devil was working the whole time. It’s no surprise that on my 21^st birthday, I got drunk “justifiably” because it was my birthday, and had sex with some guy. It was no surprise at all; in fact the devil had this in the works for many years.

Fortunately, God was working this whole time too.

The day I saw those two lines indicating a positive result, my whole world completely turned upside down. I was living every young girl’s worst nightmare. I was pregnant. At the time I found out I was pregnant, I was single, alone, and afraid. I literally felt I had no one to turn to. The weight of my own embarrassment, shame, self-hatred, and loss of self-worth was too much to bear and I never told a single soul I was pregnant and scheduled an abortion even though I knew to my very core it was wrong. The devil works when we are alone, and that’s exactly what I was - alone. Inside I was desperately screaming “Who could possibly love me?” There was no way I could tell anyone. I was afraid. I was afraid no one would love me if they knew that I had gotten pregnant. Being raised Catholic all of my life I was well versed in Church teaching on abortion. I knew that every aspect of it was wrong; it was emotionally, scientifically, theologically, spiritually, and fundamentally wrong – yet I was still going to do it.

However, God loved me too much to let me off the hook. The days leading up to my abortion, I would attend mass. I would sit in the very back, by myself, head down the entire time. I would shamefully watch other people receive the Eucharist as I sat there, unworthy of it. The weekend right before my scheduled abortion God pierced my soul with His unconditional, perfect love. It was as if all the readings and the homily were directed specifically at me. That day at mass I learned about God’s infinite mercy and forgiveness. I had obviously known intellectually about forgiveness and mercy, but that day was different. That day, God gave me the grace to feel His presence and his mercy and forgiveness in my heart. For the first time I knew with every ounce of my being that God DID love me as much as he loved the little life inside of me. For the first time in over a month of depression and turmoil and shame, I felt loved – in the midst of my brokenness. I realized that God gifted me not only with my life, but also entrusted to me the life growing inside me. In that moment I felt overwhelming peace and the courage to offer my life back to God as a gift and do His will, no matter how scared I was. By the grace of God alone, I cancelled my abortion.

That day changed me forever. I know His love is real; He has confirmed it to me time and time again. God confirmed His love for me when I finally built up the courage to tell my parents I was pregnant; my parents never condemned me, but instead embraced me and loved me and supported me. God confirmed His love for me when I finally went to confession and the priest praised me for my choice of life and gave me the grace to forgive myself. God confirmed His love for me when I told my friends and they not once judged me, but loved me and affirmed me of my worth. God confirmed His love for me when my doctor never questioned my age or why I didn’t have a husband and instead rejoiced in the development of the baby inside me. God confirmed His love for me every day at mass when He sacrifices himself over for me, so that I, a broken girl, could be forgiven and come to know Him.

I am now proud to say I am 39 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl. Any day I will get to hold this beautiful gift of life. I am proud to say that I have given my life back to God as a witness to life as I am one of the few, if not only pregnant girl attending a secular university. I also have a new found passion for helping the broken women found in an unplanned pregnancy as a volunteer advisor at our local Pregnancy Resource Center. Finally, I share my story with anyone and everyone, with just the small hope that another broken person can feel loved and know his/her life is truly a gift and that they are valued as a child of God. Life truly is a precious gift, and I’m so blessed that God gave me the grace to understand that, even in the midst of brokenness.
 

 Amen.

Reach for the Sky!

Remember how I wanted to live more like a real Colorado girl? Well, there is one thing you must do before you can consider yourself a true Coloradan... climb a 14er. This is a mountain whose summit is above 14,000 feet. There are a total of 54 of them in Colorado.This was our goal today, Kelley, Alyssa and I. This was the reason we were getting up before the sun. This was the day I was going to be able to consider myself accomplished in the eyes of the natives!

We got up, made a hearty hot breakfast, put on our bottom layer of clothes, packed our protein bars and water, and grabbed our Colorado beer. We were told this was a tradition - drinking a Colorado beer once we summitted our fourteener - and so dangit, we were going to do it right!

We started driving into the mountains, skirting the western edge of Denver, and headed to the base of Mount Bierstadt: 11,000 feet. Mind you, we are driving from Greeley: 4,700 feet. I began to feel the effects of this... winding mountain roads, an increase in over 6,000 feet, the big breakfast in my belly, the heat from having so many layers on... and sitting in the back seat. Then, for a moment, it didn't matter - We found the mountain! That is, we could see it. We began driving around it. This time of year is a little late in the season and not many people were around. The campgrounds, etc were all closed for the year and things were not marked very well. ie we drove around looking for the unmarked trailhead for over an hour. WE WERE GOING TO CLIMB THIS MOUNTAIN. We could see it, but being beginner hikers, didn't want to stray from the path... can you say frustrating?

Once it was too late to begin the hike and get back down at a safe time, we abandoned our search and began another trail that wasn't a fourteener. sad face. But, we went in with good spirits since we were still able to hike and be with each other. It was beautiful! There were rocky slopes and cliffs and a gorgeous mountain lake. About half way up it began to snow. It was so pretty! We summitted near another little mountain lake and decided to celebrate by doing a little swimming :) Brr.... then drank our beer and headed back down the mountain.

On the way home, we stopped by FOCUS national headquarters to say hi to our friends there and then in Boulder for dinner and darts with Kelley's boyfriend, Tommy. Such a wonderful day!!

Bear Awakening

This weekend I participated in a student-led retreat called Awakening. There are many "secrets" that you don't get to know of until you've been a retreater on the weekend, but I'll try to give you as much info as I can! There are different staffs you can be on if you've been on the retreat before. (I had not been a retreater, but I had been on a very similiar retreat called SEARCH and therefore knew all the secrets... so I was a staff member.) One staff is the leadership team in charge of all the logistics. They are chosen by Father and the 2 students who are the main leaders. There are also staffs that are the cooks for the weekend, the small group leaders, the technologically savvy people, the musical people, and last, but not least, the energetic people who make everything fun and do anything they are asked - that was me.  I was what we called a Go-For. Each staff and table had a saint as there patron and became the "theme" for that group for the weekend. Our saint was Martha (as in Mary and Martha) since she was a servant. We wanted to have the joy and heart of servants for the weekend. Therefore, our costumes (yes, we got to wear costumes!) were that of waitresses/waiters. The overall theme for the weekend was Lost and Found. Some of the other things included talks/testimonies by our students about things like sin, confession, love, hope, being a Christian in the midst of the world... and the one I got to give: being a woman of God! Each talk has a little activity and discussion time for the small groups - which I won't share with you here. It was fun and hopefully helped the retreaters see the importance and joy of having a relationship with Jesus and helping them begin to form one! Yay, Jesus!!!

Becoming a Real Colorado Girl

I live in Colorado.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of this reality. Mostly when I talk to someone from home and they get excited to hear about how awesome it is living in Colorado. The truth is, every day isn't a new outdoor adventure. I spend most of my time on a college campus in the middle of town and can't even SEE the mountains, but I CAN smell the cows!

Once I began to realize this, I decided I needed to take advantage of living here.  The real question then becomes, what is unique to living in Colorado? This weekend Leanne, a first year missionary in Fort Collins, and I decided to find out and be real Colorado girls.

First, swing dancing at a rodeo steakhouse called the Sundance. We slapped on some boots and spent the evening doing some country swing. Believe it or not the whole place was packed with young people and we had to fight for space on the dance floor all night!

In the morning, we got up and went to Mass before meeting up with some students, grabbing breakfast burritos (definitely a huge Colorado thing!) and doughnuts, and heading out to do some cliff jumping! We hopped in the car, drove to the edge of the mountains and hiked in to the river. We found a place where it dropped off as a waterfall and jumped in! It was soooo cold! The minute you got in, you were practically numb. It had been dry lately so the river was pretty low and we couldn't jump from very high. Instead, we decided to explore and see if we could swim behind the waterfall. It was a cold journey swimming along the rocks to stay out of the current, but we got there! We hung out there for a little while and once we decided we'd been in the cold water long enough, got out and laid on the warm rocks in the sun to dry off. I'm not going to mention the huge rock spider that I thought was going to eat me.

On the way back to town, we stopped at The Dam Store, one of the best known tourist gift shops around. Can't go wrong with t-shirts for $5 and postcards and huckleberry chocolates! For lunch, we met one of the student's priest friend at a $1.50/scoop chinese place. Turns out he is the youngest priest in the Diocese right now. Pretty neat!

After all that adventure, Leanne and I decided to walk around Old Town in Fort Collins. There is so much going on with the unique little shops, restaurants, microbreweries, and live music out on the streets. They have painted pianos randomly placed all over and Leanne gave me a mini concert before I left! Now, time to celebrate a student's 21st birthday the Catholic way - with lots of friends, food and moderation :)

Fit for Eternal Life

Sit ups for souls? Purgatory pushups? Most mornings that's what I feel like I'm doing.

Ok, you can pick your jaws up off the floor now. And, yes, you did hear me right.
I have been working out.

I can explain.

I started reading this book last spring called Fit for Eternal Life: A Christian Approach to Working Out, Eating Right, and Building the Virtues of Fitness in Your Soul. Let me tell you, it's convicting. The opening page has two Bible verses on it:

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

- 1 Cor 6:19

“You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

- Matt 5:48

Then it goes on to say: This book is about building your temple both inside and out. 
It is about perfecting yourself as a being created in God's image.

Ok, you have my attention.
 
A book about the holiness of being in shape? Most of you who know me, know that one of my least favorite activities is running. or lifting weights. or intentional physical activity in general. ie I don't like to work out and am pretty good at avoiding it. Sometimes I would be able to start something up if I had a good intention, such as doing it for the souls in purgatory or the conversion of heart of the students on campus. It would work. for a few days. but even where the spirit is willing, the flesh is still sometimes weak. like when it comes to me working out. 

So why is this book making any difference? I'll give you a couple of snippets from the first paragraphs for a little "taste test" of sorts. (With my own little comments of course.)

Since you’ve picked up this book, I suspect that you are already someone striving for spiritual perfection. Thank God for that. (Good start - a complement. Why, yes - I am!) But meanwhile, have you let your body fall into a state of disrepair? (I wouldn't call it disrepair...) Perhaps you’ve become too accustomed to swimming against the current of our modern world, with its vain and superficial glorification of physical appearance. Or maybe work and family obligations have just left you too busy to get to the gym. Or, maybe you’ve been putting so much focus on things spiritual that your body has gone neglected. (Hm... these are all things I'd normally be proud of. Put that way I feel a little ashamed.) In St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians, he tells us to treat the body as the Temple of the Holy Spirit, and to glorify God with it. God gave us our body as a most precious gift, and it is our Christian duty to care for it—indeed, to perfect it. In so doing, we show due reverence to the Holy Spirit who dwells within.

Of course, the modern world usually errs in the opposite extreme: treating the body as a god rather than as the dwelling-place of God. Physical indulgence and pleasure reign. (Amen to that.) But pious souls need not leave the world of the body to the hedonists. (feeling a little uncomfortable) Yes, spiritual things are higher, but God made us beings of both body and spirit, now and for eternity. We are “ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” it’s true, but please recall: at the end of time, we are to be resurrected, soul and body.

 

So what did I do? Last spring, nothing really... I still had some great excuses. I mean it was too cold to run. The gym is a half mile away. and I have no student parking pass, so that means walking. The sun doesn't even come up until 7. It's not safe to walk alone in the dark. By 7 I wouldn't have time to get there, work out, get back and get ready for the day before prayer at 9. Obviously.

 

This fall, I heard about the Warrior Dash, a 5K with obstacles like jumping over fire and crawling under barbed wire through mud. Who has two thumbs and really wants to do it? Uh, this girl! Who is terrified of the thought of running a 5K, with or without obstacles? Guilty.

 

Therefore, when the lovely Kelley Hogan told me she was going to start a workout program called Insanity, I jumped on the opportunity to start working out, do something I could do in the basement in the morning, and have accountability all in one! We're going on week three and haven't quit yet! Once in a while we've slept in after a late night or gone to early Mass instead, but we're "gettin' it"! So one day we can say with St. Paul, "I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith." - 2 Tim 4:7

 

Boom.

 

Welcome Week Detox and NFFs

Welcome week was incredible! Such a flurry of events and new faces and excitement! I was so proud of our student missionaries - getting out of their comfort zones and meeting people, being welcoming and getting to know the new freshmen who want to get involved, being excited to volunteer and help with events... they ROCK! They've got the zeal and love and energy of 20 year olds with ice pops and energy drinks who love Jesus!!! AND IT'S AWESOME! (and by-golly they ARE 20 year olds with ice pops and energy drinks who love Jesus!)

What did we do that was so fun and exciting?? Well, let me tell you! We had ultimate frisbee, game nights, bonfires, broomball, adoration & Mass on campus, a Rockies game, BearCatholic Olympics, flag football, dancing, praise and worship, and lots of free food! Don't forget helping freshmen move in, dorm storming, the student organization fair and did I say dorm storming? This is where we infiltrate the dorms and knock on all of the doors, introduce ourselves, invite them to some fun event, hang out and be friends, and start Bible studies. YES, we are starting a freshmen Bible study in EVERY dorm this year. And by the end of this week, everyone in those dorms know our faces pretty well. I've got a couple pics from a few of the events for your viewing pleasure!

 

On the left is Maggie. She is our campus coordinator :)

 Here she's telling a freshman girl about all of our fun events!

Kelley giving out otter pops during the bazaar!

Allie giving out otter pops - they were a hit since it was about 100 degrees that afternoon!

You can see Fr. Matt in the background :)

 

We had adoration, praise and worship, and Mass on the grass in the middle of campus!

Broomball!! This is such a fun and well attended event - so many new faces.

More Broomball!

WHOO!

You'll notice in the title I wrote welcome week detox... and may be a little confused after my excitement in the opening paragraphs. I'd like to clarify that when I say welcome week, I really mean eleven straight days of all day outreach and events when I haven't even unpacked from our pre-welcome week camping trip. So, yes, detox. While it is so good, after all of that, I need a little recuperation. Don't get me wrong, I have the greatest job in the world, but even jobs we love exhaust us. This is where the NFFs come in. Non-FOCUS Friends. These are people who are my age, usually also graduated, who I don't have a "work" relationship with. These are people I'm not in Bible study with, I'm not mentoring, I'm not purposefully trying to get to know them so I can share Jesus with them... they are normal friends. For Labor Day, some of us had a BBQ and talked and played silly games. Later we sat in the hot tub, ate oreos, and played minute to win it! We laughed and ate and had fun - It was so rejuvenating!! Now I'm ready for another week of outreach! Oh yeah.